30: A couple dozen US soldiers and an untrained dog can enjoy rocketing away from the Earth's atmosphere with no physical or mental set-backs. Just what the hell is NASA spending all their trillions on when they write down "Astronaut training" on the forms that ask for "purpose of budget"? And the IRS screwed me for trying to write off my stripper tip money last year... Fucking government.
31: Why is a multi-billion dollar space station commanded by a sergeant and a redhead who only knows how to fire "thermal arrows" at her enemies? I guess by this logic I'm qualified to be president (actually by Clinton and Bush's logic I'm qualified for that).
32: Why would Cobra Commander allow Zartan to use his moronic Dreadnoks on such an important mission? They've proven in the past that they need to combine their minds to open a single can of grape soda. Why not send some ultra-loyal Crimson Guardsmen? They don't need chocolate donuts to keep from mutinying or acting stupid.
33: Why would a battle-hardened she-bitch like Scarlett actually lay her weapon down in order to HUG a strange, gay little creature that popped out of a cargo container that mysteriously appeared on the shuttle that arrived at the top secret space station? The Joes had no friggin' clue how it got there, what the furry things were, or if they had rabies or contagious gay vibes. Yet another screaming example of why retarded women should not be allowed in the military.
34: Seriously, what the hell are "Fatal Fluffies"? A genetic experiment gone horribly "Hello Kitty"? Robotic furry pets? What is Cobra Commander spending his money on?! And why make a simple whistle their strength/weakness? What if the Joes had another whistle on the station? Instead of an experimental load of homo-fuzzies, why not send a heavily armed platoon of Cobra troops and a HISS tank? I mean, they never even made toys of the FFs... Well, honestly, thank God for that. It was pretty good planning for Cobra up until this point...
35: Why are the Joes on Space Station Delta so utterly surprised that the dog, Junkyard, is the only one suspicious of the stowaway furry muppets? Why don't they just open up and take the FFs down in a rain of hellfire? It would seem pretty obvious that Joe HQ didn't send the little fuckers up.
36: Mutt must be illiterate. The card that he found with the FFs is in BIG BOLD English, but he completely misreads it. How he got "...Enjoy their deadly secret," from "...Enjoy their amazing 'split' personalities," is beyond even my second grade reading skills.
37: The blame on this one mainly falls on Duke, the Joe in charge, but does trickle down to all the Joes present. Why did they not open fire the MOMENT they found out that the furry shits were "gifts" from Cobra Commander? There was a good 6 second pause from when Mutt finished reading the note to when Zartan appeared and turned them into 8 foot tall Sasquatch of fire-eating death. I must have gotten more "special training" playing kick the can as a kid than these jokers.
38: Neither Zartan nor the Joes seem to realize how dangerous for everybody involved a full-on fire fight in a space station can be.
39: Back to the riverbed that Cobra built their base into. Why does the evil terrorist organization leave such an obvious infiltration spot like the 40ft diameter water intake tunnel that Shipwreck and Snake Eyes entered unguarded?
40: Now here's one that really made me wonder about the Joes' intelligence gathering capabilities. How in the world do they not comprehend the Cobra threat in Enterprise City? Cobra's got its own subway system, several thousand employees, a giant cube-making factory and miles of secret tunnels. All on American soil.
41: I don't care how fugly Snake Eyes is underneath his ninja mask. He'd attract tons less attention in a Cobra uniform without it on. He even leaves his ninja gloves on too.
42: Quick Kick is goooood! He's already infiltrated Joe HQ despite the fact that he doesn't even make his grand entrance to the team until episode 4.
43: Holy shit!!! Space Station Delta is really just a giant space laser gun?!? That alone should have been the final step in Cobra Commander's plan. With that in his possession, who gives a fuck about the Pyramid of Darkness? He's always overplanning things.
44: We learn in like episode 3 that the real Cobra Headquarters is in the Southern Hemisphere, so how did Cobra Commander, the Crimson twins and Destro get there in 5 minutes after just being in Enterprise City (which is somewhere in the American Southwest)? Did Destro build CC another MASS Device too?
45: Joe HQ is turned to burning rubble thanks to Zartan and the giant death-star laser in space. There are probably countless dead and the Joes' entire lives are shot to shit in an instant... But no time to grieve or act sad for Flint and Lady Jaye! Hell yeah! Rock and roll!!! Gather the troops and retali-fucking-ate like nothing catastrophic ever happened! And do it with a smile on your face! Yo Joe!!
46: Shipwreck and Snake Eyes try to get past the voice print identifier to enter the Cobra factory and are found out. But instead of getting shot to death by guards or gassed to death in a glass box, the spiked walls close in on them and buzzsaws tear through the floor. Kind of a messy extermination don'tcha think? And who cleans up after it when it's done? There would be pieces everywhere.
47: Shipwreck's voice set the alarm off at the voice print IDer... Understandable. But Polly the parrot's voice works? That means that somewhere in the Cobra factory there's a complete and total pussy who's voice sounds like a teenager hitting a high note that only puberty and a kick to the groin in tandem can produce. Cobra hires the wussiest fuck-todds on the planet.
48: When confronted by the Cobra trooper about Snake Eyes' wolf and Shipwreck's parrot, Shipwreck actually says the line, "Hitler had a canary..." Who cares if it's true, that's a Hitler reference in a children's cartoon. Whoa! That's freaky.
49: Snake Eyes is one of Cobra's top 5 most feared foes, yet nobody in the Cobra factory recognizes his very distinct mask that he never takes off like the idiot that he is.
50: Whoa whoa whoa! Shipwreck and Snake Eyes are in the Cobra cube factory under Enterprise City... a US city. But on the USS Flagg aircraft carrier we can see the transmitter that Shipwreck put on the first cube moving from Southeast Asia towards the open Pacific. I may not be the best in geography, buuuuuuut...
51: Here's one for Mr. Wizard: How does Buzzer's ATV fly around in zero G aboard the space station like a helicopter? The power of Satan again?
52: Is the US military that screwed up with its spending? They'll blow trillions on a space station/space laser, but then can only afford one uniform per special forces soldier? What good is desert camouflage in space? Give Dusty a space suit or at least an urban-camo outfit. You know, something with some greys in it.
53: Just how does that zero G gravity "switch" in the space station work? The station doesn't even appear to be spinning or anything that could even produce Earth-styled gravity, but a flick of the switch and all things hovering fall to the ground in a *klunk*?
54: Why is the space station positioned above the North Pole anyway? Seriously, other than for the Pyramid of Darkness what good would it have done the Joes there? And just how does it even stay there? In order to stay positioned near Earth wouldn't it have to somehow ORBIT the planet? If it's constantly above the North Pole it's just sitting there... in a void. Wouldn't it either crash into the planet or go flying off into space? Why does this hurt my head so?
55: Destro is da man. He's got a Cobra trooper who's only job is making sure his metal face is looking sharp.
56: G.I. Joe is approaching Destro's forces and a GIANT SHINY CUBE OF DEATH... It's extremely obvious that the cube is the thing they need to make go "boom"... So they fire all of their missiles INTO THE GROUND about 2 miles in front of it. Who the hell was in charge of "specially training" these re-res?
57: Question - What are the other countries around the world doing while G.I. Joe is single handedly facing Cobra? Why is the Joe team Cobra's only foe? Screw the wussy Ruskies, what about Britain or even Canada?
58: Jeezus Christ!! Dusty just cut into a GLOWING live communications wire with a hacksaw... And he didn't die! That man is crazy and/or beyond fucking brave. Or stupid. I'm betting on stupid.
59: From the looks of it the City of the Dead, where the Crimson Guard twins lead their cube brigade, is in China, yet both the Cobra and Joe teams traipse on in with no problem. What the heck is the Chinese Red Army doing other than sitting on their thumbs and watching ping pong on their crappy commie TVs?!
60: How did a hippy stoner fuck-up like Footloose ever get into G.I. Joe? What was he, Clinton's retarded nephew? "Whoooooa, just chill out fer a second, man.. Just chill, okay." Is it natural to want to bitchslap an animated character?
61: After seeing Shipwreck and Snake Eyes run away from Cobra troops for ages down Cobra's own subway tunnels I got to thinking... Just how many miles of digging were they able to clean out below a major US metropolis without anybody catching on? That dirt had to end up somewhere.
62: Cobra money is called "Gold Fang Shillings"? That is the absolute lamest thing I have ever heard. The Oxygen Channel?... It's got nothing on Gold Fang Shillings.
63: Shipwreck and Snake Eyes steal a couple of Cobra rifles, but then when a firefight erupts between them and their pursuers their guns fire Joe colors. The Cobras chasing them shoot blue lights, but the two Joes' (with the same mass produced guns) shoot red. Is there a genetic switch in the rifles that color codes them for whomever is firing them?
64: The first Pyramid cube is placed in a "volcanic hotspot" in the middle of the Pacific. Got it. Flint and Lady Jaye fall into a lake of glowing red goop while trying to get the drop on Destro while in this "volcanic hotspot"... But it ain't lava they fall into. They're unscathed, they just can't float in it. So my question is this: What insane element is that glowing shit that they find themselves sinking in? It's even clear underneath it. They can see for miles down there.
65: What the hell kind of spear it that that Lady Jaye is packing? A "bubble spear"? Why would she even have something like that in her backpack? Yeah, it comes in handy in the situation that she and Flint are in, but who in their right mind could have foreseen anything that retarded happening to them? That's almost as bad as Scarlett's "thermal arrow".
66: When Snake Eyes and Shipwreck are brought up on stage by the lounge singer, Satin, Snake Eyes gets a little too into doing the high kicks. Kinda scary.
67: PSA - Ninjas are the baddest muthafuckin' breakdancers in the world. I'd love to see Storm Shadow bust a move against Snake Eyes sometime. I'd bet he'd "get served" big time, homie.... Yeah, sorry.
68: What was that? Destro was communicating with Cobra Commander on a 50s style TV. I guess they spent all their mad terrorist money on water robots, fatal fluffies and giant cubes.
69: Just how are the ancient clay guardians in the City of the Dead "activated" by the Joes stepping on a brick? And how are the Twins aware of this predicament before it happens?
70: Just FYI, the Bridgelayer is the lamest vehicle ever. That is all.
71: Korean animators don't know how to spell "Satin". Satn? Hmmm, at least they didn't use two "a"s.
72: Does Footloose have ganja-leaves in his helmet? That explains a lot.
73: Okay, I can buy the sentient ancient clay figures... You know, why not? But walking and screaming skeletons with lightsabers as weapons?... Come on guys, where the fuck did that come from? How do skeletons scream anyhow? You kind of need lungs for that... Although if I'm gonna attack that bit, I'd have to go into "how do they move without muscles?" "why do they have eyes when the rest of their skin is decomposed already?" and most importantly, "who actually gives a crap?"
74: Holy crap!!! Were those "expendable Joes" just snuffed out from behind by those walking statues?! Creepy death for a cartoon.
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