"I suppose that I am thankful for the Iron Chefs, and especially for Chairman Kaga. I'm thankful for that one chance where I was able to get Robot Pedro alone with a Destructor Destabilizer 2400 in my possession. Yeah, I ended up not using it on his pathetic existence (even despite his worst tauntings ever at my expense), but it felt good to know that I could have popped a major high density light beam up his ass if I so chose to.

"I'm also thankful for remembering to pack my Hyper Brass Knuckles Of Pain on my last trip to the past. They allowed me to pummel that evil robot until he was dented worse than the Rossman's car after he let Jennifer borrow it to go shoe shopping a while back (she was so excited about buying 12 pair and getting 1/6th off of the price of the 13th that she didn't see the bus, the street lamp post or the skyscraper in front of her). It was funny when I first heard about it, but I stopped laughing when I heard that she died a horrible, mangled death after she choked on an Italian leather pump that bounced off of the windshield and wedged itself down her throat. Well, I only stopped chuckling in front of the Rossman. I still found it funny. I ceased my giggles out of respect. You don't understand how much he loved that car. And that bitch broke it!!

"Other than all the pain that life normally brings me and the occasional 'time hiccup' (where-in I'll find myself trapped in Caligula's palace for 10 or so months when my time transponder/transporter malfunctions), there are only a few things that I'm not too thankful for.

"Mostly, of course, I do not like the thought that Robot Pedro is still functioning. That bundle of electronic fagginess! I wish that I had the will and ability to kill it once and for all. He always gets me with his puppy dog face when I finally get him cornered though, and I buckle. Then he usually steals my gun and shoots me until he thinks I'm dead. I'm really upset that he stole my Destructor Destabilizer 2400 and proceeded to use it to blast a hole through Carl XXIII's upper torso! I feel somewhat responsible for that.

"Above all else, I am very thankful that future medicine and technology makes stitching me up so damn easy. If I stayed in the Rossman's era I'm sure that I would have died well over 25 times. Mostly due to Robot Pedro."

Kiff and Jaime
Jaime
"Oh, the only thing that I'm thankful for is my sugar poop. My Snausage man. My cuddwy, wuddwy, macaroni machine. My love biscuit, Kiffy whiffy :)"

Kiff
"I'm thankful for my woman muffin, of course.

"And porn."

Satan
"Mostly I'm thankful for all the shit that everybody ahead was un-thankful for. Well, except for that 'porn' thing. I can still get myself goin' hot with Ron Jeremy on the tube. The man's a horse!!

"I suppose that I'm also thankful for me. Yeah, that's kind of selfish, but I'm Satan. I'm thankful for the number '6'. Without it I wouldn't have such a cool numeral associated with my evilness. Speaking of which, I'm thankful for evil too. I'm probably most thankful for evil, you know. Once you get into it, evil's a blast and a half. If you want angels flapping around while playing gay little harps and singing retarded psalms, go to Heaven. If you want eternal partying and giant gang bangs till the end of time, come on down to Evil City (aka Hell).

"Although you'll be partying in an active volcano and that gang bang will mostly be up your ass courtessy of billions of evil, well endowed demons."

Carl
"I am thankful for the ability to put the smack-down on the Rossman for making me participate in this shiznit!

*SMACK!*
*SLAP!!*
*CRACK!!!*

"Fuck him. Fuck him up his sassy ass. This is my only time each day where I can watch 3 hours of that there WWF, and the Rossman wants me to pretend I give a shite about Thanksgiving?! Holy ostrich fuckers! There's not even any wrasslin' on TV on Thanksgiving!!! What a shitty holiday!"

The Rossman
"Ahhhhh, Thanksgiving. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways: I love how you allow us to over indulge ourselves in tons of tasty turkey and sumptuous stuffing and cravable corn and positively preposterous potatoes and etc., etc.

"I am thankful for the food, sure, but also for college football. And for the Detroit Lions game too. During the time that it takes the women to cook my food I just veg out in front of the tube and go piggie on the chips and salsa. And I'm usually pretty sloshed when dinner time rolls around thanks to my personal and traditional 12 pack of John Courage.

"I'm thankful that I always get a drumstick (even when I have to beat the crap out of and sometimes stab family members for it). I'm thankful that I'm not expected to drive those family members to the hospital after they pass out or find any blood leaving their body.

"I'm thankful for the ability to belch and scratch like a king. I'm thankful for the fact that when everybody is busy cleaning dishes I can kick the cat with impunity. I'm thankful for porn... but that's a gimme. I shouldn't even have to say that.

"I'm thankful for boobies. And nice, shapely female legs. I'm thankful for gorgeous Scottish redheads and wish that more of them would stop on by Casa del Rosshombre more often.

"And finally, I'm beyond thankful for Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I'd bone all the chicks on that show in a micron (well, except for Tara, cause she's chunky)."