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Sometimes
I get confused. Yeah, it happens. But when I take my confusion
out on the innocents, well, there's just no excuse for that.
Below is one such confusor and confused example.
 The
Unconfused Message:
I like your Evangelion page
very much. It was very helpful in helping me to understand
what that show was trying to say and do. I have been a big
fan of yours for over a year, and I love your ratings on
anime and your hot babes page. I have a suggestion though.
Please make a top ten guys page. Not a handsome anime guys
page, but one that would judge them on if they guys were cool
and powerful. Just s suggestion :) Thank you. -Timber Wolf |
My Confused Response:
What the fuck? So you're a big fan of mine despite only knowing
of me for a year, huh? Well, I've been around for something
like 25 goddamn years, fucko! Where were you for the other
24?! I needed love!.. I needed cash!! I needed booze!!...
You bloody anarchist!
-the Rossman
(P.S. What's with your love of the
anime cock? Dude, please don't request that another guy
make a page about the cock. Okay?.. That is if you're a
guy, Timber. Though I guess you could be a female. That's
just weird.) |
The Now Confused
Message Back:
Who are you, and why are you
writing to my AOL account? If you are writing to Nathan, please
don't use this AOL email account. And Nathan will not be allowed
to talk to you with or without this AOL email account again.
Do not respond or I will turn you in to AOL for harrassment. |
????????????????:
What the fuck? Who said what? I never wrote you at your AOL email account,
buddy! STOP HARRASSING ME!! I will turn you in to your AOL email account
police
so goddamn fast that your ass will only hurt two hours after that big greasy
Mexican in the slammer starts slamming your AOL-ASS! Yeah! You like that?!
You want some more?! Anytime, anyplace, motherfucker!!
-the Rossman
(P.S. Tell Timber Wolf that I said
"Hey"... but only if she's a girl) |
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Every once in a while I feel the need to post some hate mail that I get. Keeps me humble. Makes me realize that I may not really be Jesus reincarnate. I know, I know, hard to believe... but I have to remember that there is always that slight chance that I may not have devine powers other than being hot and studly. Read on.
 The Message:
What the fuck is up with you and horse cocks? Do you like to suck them? Do you just love horse cocks more than anybdy could ever possibly love the cock of an animal? Or are you just one sick mother horse cock fucker? Yes. I believe we've gotten to the bottom of it.
Martin. |
My Response:
Now, by this "horse cock" thing that you are making reference to, my good man, are you talking about the fact that in the course of the hundreds of pages and articles that I've constructed I may have used the term "horse cock" 5 or 6 times (in total mind you). Granted I'm never talking about grabbing hold of a horse cock (or anybody's cock for that matter) whenever I do reference one. I'm usually just describing a big dick in my life. Example: "Yo, can you believe what kind of a horse cock Mitch is being?"
See. Honestly, none of my pages even come up on Google when you search for "horse cock". Seriously now, have you already gone through all the other millions of sites that pop up before mine with your search for horse cock? Am I just the last person on the internet whom you had yet to ask about large mammal penises?
Well thanks to you and this horse cocky letter, this page will probably be the number one horse cock find on the entire internet until the MegaPlayboy gets his "Halvete Hast Kook" page up and running. Thank you very much, you horse's cock.
-the Rossman |
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Those in denial of their incredibly faggy sexual preferences are perhaps the saddest of God's creatures on this tiny little planet we call home. Though to quote Jerry Seinfeld, "Not that there's anything wrong with that" (the "that" in reference to being gay), it's just that when those salami sniffers are in such total denial of their homo-ness they tend to take out their aggressions on peeps like me. Below you will find news from one of the anal intruders with whom I had to spend a month in hell at that miserable little all male, Catholic priest-run summer camp on that evil island in the middle of a giant Canadian lake the summer after my 8th grade year. Enjoy!
The Message:
Chrissy Pissy-
I was recently surfing the Web and came across your pathetic review of Camp Owakonze. At first, I was enraged. I wanted to scour the streets for your little wimpy ass. But I held back...because it all made sense. You're the homo we used to call Chrissy Pissy! Man, you were gay...and seeing the likes of your Web site it looks like you haven't changed at all. Only the dorks, geeks and homos stayed back from the trips at Owakonze. We should've pushed you over in the four-seater while you were spanking it! I forwarded your review to a few old Owakonze buddies and the feeling is unanimous...you're gay.
Anonymous
("Anonymous" despite the fact that he used his AOL account with his first and last name in the address) |
My Response:
Dude, you're the ones that I have pictures of in those secret midnight "circle jerks".
Talk about the reach-around calling the dick-suck gay.
-the Rossman
P.S. Plus it seems to me that you boys (and I use that term loosely) actually enjoyed going to the middle of the wilderness and living in tight quarters with a bunch of other guys and old clergymen. I also heard about some of the "games" that you fags played while on your "exploring trips" that one week that I stayed behind. "Searching for Lil' Sasquatch", "The Great Baril Lake Beat Off", and "First One There Gets Sodomized By the Old Priest"... You wacky and crazy butt pirates you.
P.P.SS. What kind of homo-rectumizer still hangs out with his faggy camp buddies 10 years after the fact? And how can you possibly still look them in the face after reaming them in the ass? |
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This is the kind of letter that I will never understand. You'll see why when you read it. It's really kind of sad when you think about it. It basically lets me know why creativity as a whole is dying/dead in this world.
 The Fucker Wrote:
The Rossman
You are great ^_^!!! But I am starting my own webpage and would like to know where you get all your wonderful ideas from that you use on your webpage? Please let me know than I can link to your page when my webpage is done and then you can link to mine. Thank you!!!!!!!
Denny McBride |
My Response to the Uncreative one:
It's really quite easy, how I come up with my ideas, you see. First thing I do when I wake up in the morning is stretch in bed for a few minutes, meditate on the world around me, and then I roll over and ask your mother if she thought of any new stories or concepts for my website. She's usually pretty quick with coming up with stuff, but that's mostly because she knows that the sooner she gives me a good idea the sooner we can get back to the thunder pumping. God bless that woman! So go on and ask your mother for some delightful and ribald jokes to use on your page. Though, you might have to tickle her a bit to get her to open up.... If you know what I mean. Heh heh!
-the Rossman
P.S. as for putting a link on my site to your (imminently) shit bowl of a site... Uhhhhhhh, I find that I must decline. I fear that that act alone could cause me to become mentally retarded. I hope you understand. |
This drives me crazy! People can't come up with their own ideas anymore. Sure, I rip off other websites and stuff myself, but at least I have the common courtessy to change things a bit, or to NOT ask a person for permission to steal his stuff or be stupid in general. To paraphrase Shipwreck from the G.I.Joe miniseries The Pyramid of Darkness: This world is climbing out of the sewers and into the toilet. See! That's not what he originally said, or the context in which he meant it. I changed it up a bit and made it my own... and I still gave him credit for the original idea! Learn from me, you unoriginal crack sniffers. Message. |
This is the kind of shit I have to put up with since making a small name for myself with my Japanese Animation pages all those years ago. Instead of brilliant conversation pieces I get desperate fan boys asking me to send them naked pictures of fictional females and questions regarding the sexual preferences of globs of paint. The one below is in reference to the biggest loser in anime in a scene from the Shinseiki Evangelion movie where he whacks his sad meat off while looking at a comatose girl in her hospital bed. Bunch of sick fucks in this world (those who animate this shit and those who fantasize about it).
The Really Mongoloid Message:
man!! in the movie what is the white stuff that appears in shinji's hand at the movie. Some people tell me that it is "cum" but others tell me that they dont know do you know what is it does he masturbated with her. if he did that would be stopid because he could have fucked her with nobdy looking. Why id he only do the masturbating with her if that is the cum? Could be toothpaste? |
My Response to Mongo:
Do me a favor. Look down at your own hands right now. Whatever that jizz is, that's what Shinji had on his hand too. Only difference was he was looking at a real naked girl and you still have to think about the time you walked in on your sister in the shower in order to get your rocks off.
-the Rossman
(P.S. I am both curious and extremely frightened at the same time here. Did you really think that it would have been okay for Shinji to rape Asuka while she was in a coma? Shit dude! Just go fuck your hand while thinking about your dad again, and never ever watch any more anime. That or kill yourself) |
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Every once in a while I get a visitor who's read too many websites written by people who think that anything organized (i.e. family, government, nations, YMCAs) is "not cool" and therefore stoopid. Then they get to my page and can't believe that I actually like some of these things (well, I believe that YMCAs are only cool for hobos who need a less rank place to stay than the dump). This is a typical letter from one such anarchtic lemming.
|  The Moron Starts Off With:
Hey you jackass! Do you kno whow dumb you are. You think that liking America is a good thing. That is so stupid. Nobody likes America! That is why they always fucking bomb us!!! You are not even cool. You think you are hip but you think that nice families are not stupid. Families suck and you suck for liking yours you asshole. Sean Baby is cool. Even Harry Knoles is cooler than you are. And he's fat as all fuck. You think that pretending to have robots is cool but its gay. I'm going to wipe my ass with the american flag now, so have fun with your faggy family and gay country.
Rich Jeter (17 years old)
p.s. And yes I am an American. But you still suck |
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My Response (I know, I shouldn't have even attempted contact with him. But I was very interested in seeing what made him tick):
Hey there, Champ.
First of all, WHOA! What a mouth you have there. Do you kiss your mother with it? Hmmmm, considering that you sound like a sexually-pent up "Norman Bates-ian" type o' guy who more than likely killed his mommy when she refused to have sex with him, I'm gunna have to say no.
Anyway, your views are welcome here at therossman.com, and just to let you know I'm going to post this on my Mail Page in the future so that you can see that other views (even those that are as shit-eatingly retarded as yours) are not discriminated against. Which is really unusual because my site is not a forum or an open debate. Go fig.
Sooooo, what you seem to be pissing your pants over is the fact that I don't think America or non-disfunctional families are "uncool". Riiiiiiiight. Something tells me that you're the kind of pussy who didn't get elected to the student council in the 5th grade and then got bitchslapped by your drunken daddy when you got home that night for even running for the gay position in the first place. So now you have a problem with things that function correctly (well, as correctly as they possibly can).
Yeah, I love my country more than most people. And not for the moronic reasons that most people give (or can't give). In fact, I have an entire article up about why I love the Stars and Stripes as much as I do. And I give lovely arguments to support my beliefs. If you want to take me up on any of them, fine. Argue away. If not, suck my dick. I honestly don't care what you think.
Now, you might be saying, "Well then, Mr. Faggy Gaywad, then why did you write back if you don't care?!?! Ass!!!!" I would have to respond to that with, "Because, Cuntweed, I am very interested in how lemmings like you think and actually function in society." My guess is that you currently and will work in a run-down music store that only sells Rage Against the Machine and U2 for the rest of your shameful life. You look up to Jack Black in High Fidelity as if he were a god (which he is, but that movie sucked). You read anarchy.com more than you do pornography, and you whack off to pictures of butch lesbians in the hopes of convincing yourself that you are not a fag.
Sure. Fine. I actually respect the fact that you think differently than me. But I laugh my ass off when I see that you still can't think for yourself. Yeah, I think that Seanbaby is cool too, but let's be honest, nobody will ever see him as "cool" as he sees himself.
Now here's an offer I make to a lot of people who visit my site and hate America as much as you seem to. I will personally buy a one-way ticket for you to go to any of the following countries in the world: China, India, Iraq, Israel, Russia, Somalia, South Africa, Ethiopia, or Colombia. Once you get there you can do whatever you like. Say for example, get stoned for being white, killed for being a dick and speaking your mind, put in jail for looking like a goth Elton John (you know you do), or stabbed and dropped in a dumpster to think things over for a little while before the local youths steal all your clothes and shoes. Yeah, that was a trifle melodramatic, but you get my point. And I will (swear to God) buy you a ticket if you want me to. I'd love to write an article about how I sent a punk ass bitch to his personal golden land only to have him get arrested and drawn and quartered within 15 minutes of his arrival.
-the Rossman
P.S. I wouldn't tell people who you are trying to insult that you're only 17. That makes you look like an even bigger pussy than Oprah's 10 inch gash. |
| His Semi-Response to Mine:
LOL!!! Ha ha ha ha ha. You are so clever and funny. To bad you like to take it up the ass. I knew that you were not cool and you prove it yourself. Fuck you. Fuck your mother. Fuck your father. Eat my shit and die.
Rich Jeter |
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Me:
Holy shit. Did you just type "LOL"?
-the Rossman |
At least he took my advice and stopped adding his age to his signature.
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This
is what's wrong with corporate America. They think that they
can take a crap, put it in a box and sell it for an outrageous
price to stupid consumers... Well, they're right, they can.
But what pisses me off the most is that companies like Manga
Entertainment think they can also get puds like me to put ads
for their excrement on our websites for free. Read the unsolicited
letter and solicited response below.
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The Pimping Message:
Dear The Rossman,
Hello. My name is R**** and I'm contacting
you on behalf of MANGA ENTERTAINMENT (www.********.com)
about our ongoing EVANGELION: DEATH AND REBIRTH Contests,
which we are currently running in two parts: one open
only to international webmasters, and one open to all
US and Canadian citizens over 18.
The webmaster contest is online at...
http://www.*************.com ...and is pretty self-explanatory:
just submit your name, e-mail, site and URL, then add
the banner to your site. We will track hits received
from all participating sites, and whoever refers the
most traffic each week (through June 29th) will win...
>MANGA's Top Ten DVD Titles A MANGA
Prize Package The EVANGELION: DEATH AND REBIRTH DVD
And while it's not required, you might
also want to inform therossman.com users about MANGA's
EVANGELION: DEATH AND REBIRTH Contest, open to all US
and Canadian citizens over 18... http://www.****************.com/*****.html
...in which they can enter to win one of 18 prize packages.
Thank you, and please let me know if you
will be participating!
-r**** ***********
manga entertainment |
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My Response to the re-re Company:
wow. That's so kind of you to actually allow me to advertise
for you for free in the hopes that I may have a slight possibility
of a chance to get something back in return.... That "something" being
10 shitty DVDs that your company digitally shat out over the
years.
You know what? Instead of wasting time trying to get webmasters
to wipe your ass for you, why don't you put some energy
into getting out some quality products that don't have
fucked up audio or video components or just plain suck?
Huh? Sound like a plan?
-the Rossman |
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His Response to Mine (which ultimately almost makes
me change my mind about his company):
will do.
thank you!
-r**** |
Unfortunately Manga never did stop putting out shitty stuff. So sad.
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This
site (design and text) is a copyrighted Rossman Production. Do
not copy any of it or I will come over there and rip off your
sack and feed it to your dog. All celebrities named on this page are impersonated for their
and your protection. They're rich and famous and all that
caca, so I'm allowed to "satirize" them and pretend
that they said this shit. Ain't America great!!
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