Tea with the Rossman
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I've said it before, and I'll say it again -- I love hate mail. When I get it I usually try to piss off the original sender with my response (it's easy to see who's fake hate-mailing me, and I don't even bother with responding to those jokes). If they respond to my response, then I take it one step further. Lather, rinse, repeat until I piss them off so goddamn much that they get smart and realize that arguing on the internet is just like that famous internet cliche-image says (i.e. it's like running in the Special Olympics... Even if you win, you're still retarded).

The problem with the following conversation below, between me and "user name: Akuma real name: Jordan" is that he just wouldn't get the hint that all I was doing was insulting him. He kept replying and replying over the course of a full fucking week (which is why this email needed an entire page all to itself). Considering HIS responses weren't really all that mean or nasty in return (even when I began insulting his mother) -- they're just stupid -- I'm pretty sure that he wasn't trying the same social experiment on me. Anyway, here's the chronological line-up.

The Original Message:

WTF?! How dare you make a bad review of Saikano. It seems like you didn't really know wtf you where talking about. Did you fast forward though the whole series or something? I have to admit it could have been better. First of all the music could have been alot better, and the directing wasn't all that great. But the original creator Shin Takahashi is an amazing artist and author. The story is very meaningful, and even though the whole "she's a weapon" thing sounds silly it grows on you and you start to see what being a weapon is doing to her. Like I don't see how you could have gotten confused, you must really have a thick skull or something. Do you have any emotions at all or are you just a fucking retard?! If your going to make a review on something don't just watch it and say it's crap because you don't have the intelligence to understand. Do some research, find out things to support why you think what you think.

Now if you want to be confused watch a show called Lain, I'd like to see what you have to say about that. lol

In conclusion, You are by far the worst reviewer I have ever seen. It's ok if you don't like something but don't be so insulting. All the reviews I've read off your site all have WTF! WTF! WTF!. All I have to say is Shut the fuck up!!

My Response:

WTF are you talking about?  I never know WTF I'm talking about... Except when it comes to shitty anime.  And yes, Saikano IS shitty anime.  Once again I'll state what's shitty about it:

  1. The main character is not likeable
  2. Her boyfriend is a cheating dick
  3. The character designs stink
  4. The supposed drama is forced down the viewer's throat like the reverse of that "worm ghost" in Poltergeist II.... And it's not even dramatic in the least.
  5. The plot is laughably retarded and seems to be made up as it progresses.
  6. Every character in the show is annoying and I cheered when each of them died.
Actually, it's this last point that really makes me remember how shitty this this was.  Once I figured that everybody was going to die (a horrible, painful death), it actually got my hopes up.  That allowed me to get through the show, but that's not something a GOOD series should make you look forward to.


-the WTF?!?!?!?! Rossman

P.S. I wasn't confused with the show itself, just perplexed at what the creators were trying to do with it, and what they were trying to say with the characters.  In the end I think they basically said "Life sucks, then you die," which I also translated as "This show sucks, then I cut myself over and over again for watching it."

Honestly, I thought this would be the end of it. I RE-stated my reasons for why the show sucked (and it really really does suck), but I must have been having a good day because I didn't really attack Akuma Jordan personally at all. He even admits that the show "could have been better," and he goes on to point out some pretty major flaws himself. Needless to say I was fairly surprised when he wrote back that evening...

The Reply Reply:

Well I can tell you had no personal attachment to the show. Like for the creator Shin Takahashi this story means alot to him, and he wroked very hard on it. The whole point of the story is to see yourself in some of the characters or be reminded of loved ones or friends etc. Do you even have a heart at all? Did you just think to yourself "everyone's going to die, thats it". If your idea of love is a cheap hooker then of course you won't like it, so i'll just end this debate by saying... This story to me holds a lot of meaning and I'm just defending it.

My 2nd Response:

Well I worked very hard myself on getting out that MONSTER turd last night, after helping myself to that all-you-can-eat burrito buffet at the Loco Sombrero yesterday for lunch... Doesn't mean that people should automatically think that what I shat out was art.

-the Rossman

I really thought that this kid taking my dislike for this crappy show to heart was pretty funny. I love how he tries to make me empathize for the original creator of this steaming pile of animation, and he also takes a dig at me saying that I only love cheap hookers... That was low. Everyone knows that I beat up the elderly for money just so I can buy EXPENSIVE hookers. After my 2nd reply, I thought that I would never hear from Akuma real name Jordan again.... Strangely enough I STILL didn't verbally attack him yet...

The Reply Reply Xs 3 (or 4, whatever):

His graphic novels took 2 years to write and illustrate, your shit took 2 min. Stop draging this on more then it has too. I've already found out what I needed too know.

My 3rd Response:

All that means is that I'm smarter, and maybe more talented.  I found relief from my shit much much faster than him... And mine smelt much less foul.

-the Rossman

I couldn't believe that he was accusing ME of dragging this on longer than it had to.

The Reply Reply Xs 4:

*sigh* Are you really this stupid? Your reduced to shit jokes. At first I found your review offensive but now I could care less. Because the person who wrote it doesn't know anything to begin with.
Your the perfect example of a close-minded ass hole. What do you do with your life? Do you make stupid jokes and make insulting comments just so you can get responses like this? Do you care about other people or are you self-absorbed as well? And if so do you care about those suffering around the world? Do you believe the war over sea's is worth fighting? Because I don't, America has no right to try and police the world. Did you know that the U.S.A. is the only country to ever attack another with a nuclear weapon and civilians at that. By the way making that racist comment on japanese people is what really pissed me off. Now Lisen here you fucking hick, open your eyes too the world. Learn some, values, morals, and respect.

My 4th Response:

Ha! That is awesome!  You turn a critique of a website's review of a terrible anime series (that for some reason you've grown more attached to than a cancerous polyp growing on your little dick [that you won't remove because now you can claim your dick is 2 inches around with it there]) into a political shpiel against the USA.  Judging by your lack of knowledge of world history I'm willing to bet that you're actually only 12 years-old, or you are minorly retarded from sharing a bong one night over at your hippie professor's house and accidentally drinking the bong-water while you sat down on an AIDs-infested, heroine needle.  Or you are simply a moron.

Since you seem to have such  an uneducated boner for Japan, let me remind you that it was they who started conquering countries around them in the 1930s, just because they felt like it (China wasn't even paying suicide bombers' families for them killing tons of Japan's innocent allies' people in coffee houses and street corners... unlike what SOME Middle Eastern dictators used to do before we put the smack-down on them).  Once these countries were under Japan's control, the soldiers used to pillage and RAPE the shit out of the population because they could.  This was acceptable, and even encouraged, behavior by their leaders.  Once the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor because we stopped supporting their evil ways we THEN attacked them.

The Japanese fought tooth and nail over the most barren of rocky islands in the Pacific.  They would not surrender any land, and they fought to the last man standing, sometimes ending their lives in suicide attacks.  Once we fucking broke their backs and pushed those little shits back to their mainland, there were only two options for us: stage a massive landing of our troops (wherein millions of our men were going to be killed and tens of millions of the Japanese would die, because they were teaching their women and children to fight against us and use their own bodies as shields to defend the motherland), or nuke a city or two, and maybe kill a few hundred thousand of their people.  Hmmmmm, yeah, we probably chose incorrectly there.

Yes, junior, you're right, war sucks. If anybody ever tells you that they love war then they're a major choad and a half.  But some wars are fought for good reasons, like freeing innocent people from evil dictatorships headed by dicktators with ugly mustaches...... Oh, I was talking about the Nazis and the Nips in WWII, but if you automatically thought of the Iraq War, then, well wow.  Your mind works weird.

So, you unneducated fucking moron, have you learned something today?  Like "irony" in that some terrible storyteller from the land of the rising sun tried to tell a narrative about how sad it was that Japan was getting attacked by the US and innocent people were getting killed... More than likely Japan started the war in Saikano too.  Goddamn Japs!!!

Now go fuck your mother and watch the History Channel.

-the Rossman

My favorite part of his response above is when he asks me if I care about those "suffering around the world." Awesome. (The answer is "No," of course) It's also good to see that he now realizes that the show that he used to worship truly is a piece of shit, as he no longer defends it, and he starts attacking the good U.S. of A. for its foreign policies. Sweet! Notice that THIS is when I start making fun of him (and his tiny dick) in the hopes of getting him to stop writing me. Yeah, I could have been the bigger man here, and stopped replying to his responses.... But that wouldn't have been very funny.

The Reply Reply Xs 5:

No I'm not 12, I'm 15. Yes I may not know everything. But I'll know more then you by time I'm your age. I may be young but I'm not naive or stupid. Now if we could please end this now, because I really don't want to debate your racist views.

My 6th Response:

Holy Christ on a crutch!  You're fucking 15 years-old, and you're arguing with a guy you never even met on the internet over a shitty anime series?!  Dude, go out there and fucking get laid... That's a goddamn order, son!  Urgh, no wonder you're so irritable and stupid.  Once you score some tail you'll realize that me calling American-killing Japs "Japs" in a fictional crappy TV show doesn't mean jack shit in the grand scheme of things.   If you're having trouble getting some action, please feel free to read my "How To Do High School (and get some poon tang)" article for some tips: http://www.therossman.com/digest/howto/highschool/
If you actually get lucky and STILL feel like arguing over/about this lame show, I'll be here.

-the Rossman

(P.S. Oh, and by the by, if you actually think that the Japanese people are all warm and fuzzy and will like you, a gaijin, just because you like their pretty anime and stick up for them to strangers on the intarweb... well, they don't.  They probably hate you because, and only because, you have round eyes and a different color skin and claim your name is "Akuma"... They HATE you)

Don't be fooled by this kid asking to "end this now," 'cause it seems that replying back to my replies are all he fucking LIVES for at this point. Oh, and I resent very much being unfairly called a "racist" by this little shit. I'll have you know that I've fucked (or at least gotten to second base) with women from every race on the planet. Or I've at least looked up porn with women from every race in it. Sometimes all in one night. I don't know where I get the energy.

The Reply Reply Xs 6:

The only reason I'm arguing is because I fucking hate you, I don't care what you think of Saikano. The fact that your a horrible person is why I'm still here arguing. I don't want to get laid by some sluty girl. I don't want to have meaningless sex. I don't want to hear any of your life lessons.

P.S. lol I suppose your right about the "akuma" thing, but it's just some stupid gamer tag. I don't stick up for artists like Shin Takahashi because I think they'll like me. I do it because I don't want their work to be wronged. And I don't like Japan just because of the Anime, I like it because I like their entire culture. I'm not going to be some annoying fucking tourist.

My 7th Response:

Dude, ALL sex is meaningless, EXCEPT the slutty kind.  Love is bullshit.  It's a word made up by women to get stupid, rich, ugly guys to keep paying for their expensive lifestyles. -- "Oh, baby, you  can't dump me for some hot chick with big titties and an ass that isn't sagging... I love you and you love me... Now where's that credit card?"  Love isn't real.  It isn't evolutionary.  If love was real all mammals would have it.  It would be like a disease.  Human males (like dogs and badgers and bears) would stick to one ugly female for their whole lives without even looking at (or sniffing) another hot piece of ass. Instead (in a place I like to call "reality"), human females would all get dumped right after the male planted his baby batter in her slot-twat if it weren't for their curvy and soft parts and something called alimony.

Seriously, no chick is gonna give a shit if you "saved yourself" for her.  More than likely you'll end up a lonely college senior, you'll get wasted at some Spring Break kegger and you'll wind up with some ugly "beer-goggles bitch," making a complete fool of yourself while trying to stick your love muscle in the wrong hole for 20 minutes before even SHE gets tired of the attempt and goes off to tell all the cool kids how gay you are.  Go get laid now!  Start practicing on real women so that even with your face you can get some sexy beast to want to hump you just because of all the wild stories she's heard from all her (not so hot) friends. Seriously, Jesus died for your sins so that you could get some high school poon!

Now, as to your obsession with Japan.... It's alright to like certain things from other cultures (like Tequila from Mexico, Vodka from Russia, and whores from China), but don't get all obsessed with a country and peoples that will never accept you.  Although... If you do ever go over to Japan, even with your tiny wang you might be thought of as some sort of miraculous giant-cock marvel of a man.  Maybe that IS the answer to both your problems!  Sure, 3/4s of all Japanese schoolgirls have the clap, but that's why God made antibiotics, and that's still better odds than American women.  Oh yeah, they're all sluts.  Even your mom. ESPECIALLY your mom.

-the Rossman

(P.S. tell your mom to wear that latex body-suit with the tear-away crotch when I pick her up tonight... And tell her I've been reading up on some new positions, like the "Bismarck" and the "Dog in a Bath Tub"!)

I seriously fell off my chair I was laughing so hard when this little prick told me he was "saving himself." WHY THE FUCK IS HE TELLING THIS TO SOME GUY HE HATES ON THE INTERNET?!?!?

And yet... he still fucking replies (even after I claim to be banging his mother). This is when it starts to not be so goddamn funny. But I absolutely refuse to be the one to stop writing. This is MY experiment, dammit! Just how insulting and assoholic do I have to be to a 15 year-old cock-gobbler before he realizes that I really don't want to be his friend?!

The Reply Reply Xs 7:

lol You keep believing what you wnat. But your philosophy is bullshit. Why rae you continuing to drag on this on anyway? i said i didn't care anymore, your not worth my time. Fuck your mom should have ahd an abortion.

My 8th (holy fuck!) Response:

I wasn't gonna be the one to tell you this... But your mother actually THOUGHT that she aborted you (turns out she just got your twin).  Oh, and you could've had three brothers or sisters ahead of you too (you mom was such a raging slut back then), but she got a little too trigger-happy with the ole clothes-hanger, if you know what I mean... You know what I mean, don't you... Your mother is a total cum-dumpster.

-the Rossman

(P.S. ask her if she got those flowers and "morning after pills" I sent her!)

He says that he doesn't care anymore, and he blames me for dragging it on... yet the letters still come, and his lack of proper punctuation and spelling and capitalization tends to show that he's either really pissed off while typing, or he's only typing with one hand while looking up gay-virgin-porn. More than likely it's both.

Here I think that by telling him that his mom TRIED to abort him that that would get him to realize that there was no way he was going to win this name-calling contest.... but look below....

The Reply Reply Xs whatever:

ROFL this is too fucking funny. Where the hell is this going? Dude Seriously just let me end this stupid argument already.

My 9th Response:

You know, Akuma real name: Jordan, you really should see the school psychiatrist.  Yeah, her job's mostly a joke, but you're even more of one, and maybe she can help you so that you don't need the approval and blessing of strangers on the internet in order to live a fulfilling life.  I don't like you, and I never will.  Let it go.  Move on with your life.  I've even dumped your skanky mom so that we won't have any contact anymore.  I used to think your retardation was funny, but seriously, you're starting to scare the shit out of me now.
Let it go.  Go bother Seanbaby or somebody else.

-the Rossman

And so it ends... for now. But I'm willing to bet that he'll be back. They always come back.

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