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Code Geass
I swear I'm not lighter than a duck!
The Freedom-Loving

Death Note and Monster tried it first: Pitting two super-geniuses against each other in matches of wits and life and death without boring normal readers to death with "look how smart I's be! I can write for two super smart peoples and confuse the shit out of you! Yay!" Then the people behind Code Geass came along and said, "You know what? Super smart people battling each other are cool and all, but things would be infinitely more cut-ass rugged if we threw in a shitload of FLAIR and STYLE along with the intelligencia and plataportionate geniusitocity! Let's do it! GRRRRRRR!"

They were right. You can never go wrong with "more flair." Honestly, Code Geass out-flairs Giant Robo. Think about that. And if you don't like what you think about, then Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion is not for you. And you are a simpleton. A stinky-headed simpleton who poops his pants. I'm sorry, but somebody had to point it out to you.

Okay, I suppose that's enough of an introduction (that doesn't tell you jack shit about the show I'm reviewing). What is Code Geass about, you ponder laboriously? Who's responsible for it? Let's start with what the whole thing's about, bunky. In 2010 (in an alternate world where the Holy Empire of Britannia rules 1/3rd of the planet) the country of Japan is invaded (by Britannia, moron). The Japanese armed forces are completely fucked over in less than a month due to Britannia's newest weapons: the Knightmare Frames (funky-looking, giant mecha, of course). Now, the Japanese people are forced to live in ghettos while the Britannian occupiers live in splendor, and Japan itself is only referred to as Area 11 (and the poor Japs known as "elevens"). Well, at least the Britannians never raped any Japanese cities, say the size of Nanking, during their occupation... So at least there's that.

Anyway, the Emperor of Britannia is apparently one horny guy, as he's got wives and kids out the ass. One of these kids, Lelouch, was banished to Japan (as sort of a political hostage) with his younger, crippled and blind sister Nunnally just prior to the invasion, because he questioned his father as to why his mother (who was violently gunned down before his eyes) wasn't properly protected, and this was a question that the Emperor didn't want asked.

So now, we flash forward to 2017 (and the start of the actual show itself... I know.): Lelouch is in hiding in occupied Area 11 with his sister, attending a Britannian Royal High School under a pseudonym, and plotting the downfall of his father and Britannia as a whole out of pure spite. Lelouch is an excellent strategist and chess player, but as of the first episode he hasn't had the chance or the power to enact on his desire for revenge. But this (of course) soon changes when he meets up with a strange green-haired girl named C.C... who promptly gets mowed down by Britannian troops, but not before infecting Lelouch with the Geass (a strange..... thing that grants him the power to force people into doing his bidding, but with major strings attached).

Things then get so incredibly goddamn complicated (what with all the characters, the huge back story, the intricate and hyperly-tangled politics [that would shame and confuse, the writers of Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex]) that it sent my head spinning even the second time I went through it (I had to view the first 23 episodes twice [once when they aired, and again when episodes 24 and 25 were broadcast FOUR GODDAMN MONTHS LATER] so that my mind was clear with what the fuck was going on for the big finale). Not that this is a bad thing mind you, just a complex thing. If you don't like to think your way through a show, do not watch Code Geass. If you don't like your stomach in constant knots (due to the tightwire act that Lelouch constantly performs in setting up the Britannians for a fall, and the constant, potential downfall of his own eventual troops [the Black Knights rebellion forces]), do no watch Code Geass. If you don't like intricate cat and mouse games played by two extremely dedicated and brilliant tacticians, along the lines of the battle fought between L and Light in Death Note, do not watch Code Geass. Oh, and if you really hate Clamp character designs (what with their elongated limbs, and really gay outward appearance), do not watch Code Geass... Well, I'm a part of that last group, but I was able to see past it myself. Oh how I loathe Clamp.

One of the things that I really loved about this show (and yes, I really loved it) is the amount of detail and constraining rules that pour into and envelop everything. For example, the Geass that Lelouch is given (the mind control ability): It is indeed powerful and very useful to his personal rebellion that he's concocting, but it's not ALL-powerful — he can only use it once per person, and he must have eye contact with his victim to make it work. This causes some major strategy on his part, and some incredible "holy fuck! That is awesome!" moments of pure brilliance in the show. And there are others with Geass too, like Mao who can read minds up to 500 meters away... but who can't turn it off and who has gone absolutely bat-shit loco because of it.

This brings me to the rest of the secondary characters. There's a ton of them, and all of them have a part (usually important) to play in the grand scheme of things. There's all of Lelouch's royal (assload of) half-siblings, that traitorous, wussy, Japanese, childhood friend of Lelouch's (who's spectacular at patricide, and equally great at siding with the enemy), the main scientists of both the Britannian Empire and the Black Knights, all of Lelouch's Black Knight soldiers, and a good handful of Lelouch's fellow students at the Britannian Academy... Though honestly, I have no fucking clue what was up that psycho, lesbo chick. Whatta cunt!

Anyway, the first episode is a great indication of things to come. It starts off with a bang and then it never lets up. Each event flawlessly leads to the next, and each escalates the stakes to such a high pinnacle that you wonder just how the fuck the characters are going to deal with all the shit that looks like it's about to come crashing down upon them all... But then you realize that Lelouch is indeed orchestrating everything, and he almost always knows what he's doing. But there is a point in this story — an instant where everything goes to utter shit — where you have to rewind and rewatch the turn of events several times because you simply can't believe the writers had the balls to go there, and you cannot see any way out for anybody involved... It was absolutely beautiful (and you will know what the fuck I'm talking about when you witness it for yourself, but no real spoilers from me). But then came the eventual finale... Which unfortunately is a bigger "Fuck You" cliffhanger than even the end of Berserk. Yes, I know that you're probably thinking that I'm lying, but it's true. The only difference is that they've already announced that Code Geass season 2 is coming out this Fall, and with Berserk we're still left holding our dicks in the wind after, what, a decade? Still though, with ALL that goes on in season one, everybody's going to need a major refresher course before tackling season two with this long wait. That blows. If they knew it was going to be 39 to 52 episodes long in total to tell this story, why not just MAKE A GODDAMN 52 EPISODE LONG SERIES from the beginning?

And now for something completely different. One thing that amused me greatly about this series was the blatant product placement peppered throughout its 25 episode run. After years of seeing "McDowell's" and "Reebox" and "Somy" in any anime I'd watch whenever they needed to show a restaurant, shoe or television, it came as a bit of a shock to see things like "Pizza Hut" and "Coca-Cola" everywhere, in pretty much every scene. I think it's funny that C.C. is addicted to the Hut's greasy pies, but seeing that familiar box kind of takes you out of the story (at least the way it's always SHOVED in the viewers' faces).

As for who's responsible for Code Geass, well I pile all the praise upon one man: The Gooch has done it again. Code Geass is as vastly different from The Gooch's previous masterpiece, PlanetEs, as Pokemon is to La Blue Girl, but the man proves that when he's got a story to tell he knows just how to tell it right. Kami-sama bless you, The Gooch!

So, what did I think of Code Geass? Over the top as all get-out, but what a helluva fun ride! I give Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion an "A". Now I only hope that series 2 lives up to this one.

The Area 69 CHI-CHI

Fuck it. I think I was supposed to pay attention through this thing, but I got a headache, took a nap, and when I woke up the show had just completely changed on me. I had no idea what the fuck was going on... Still don't.... I just... Ugh, fuck it. Confusing stuff is confusing, and let's just leave it at that.

Hmmm, the Rossman seemed to like this Code Geese thing, but I just didn't get it. Hmm, I'll give it 2 1/2 out of 5 Stars. Whatever. There's a keg that needs tapping, so if you'll excuse me...

The 11 KUNI

I am giving a big FUCK YOU to all the European assholes in the world! Why is Europe going to invade the Japan motherlands?! Japan has not attacked or killed millions of round eye bastards in many, many years! WTF?

A-HA! Europeans just want Japanese women and their panties! This is what aggression againt Japan is always about. But, no, sorry, European assholes! Schoolgirl panties are only Japanese pleasures to enjoy! Try to invade and we call Gojira! Gojira will fuck up any mecha you toss at him! Yatta, European bitches!

Many wins were won for Lelouch, but Japanese boy that kills of his own father needs a bamboo pole stuck up his anus. A Kuni thumbs up just for Lelouch trounsing Europeans!