Rossman Reviews and Ratings
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All that Fooly and Cooly jibba jabba rolled into one sheh-bang!
Ahoy, mates!
The Cooly ROSSMAN
and the Spooly USS Missouri

I believe that every once in a while everybody is in need of a "spaz-attack" in one way, shape, or form (A spaz-attack being when an individual lets loose, goes insane and bounces around the room like Sonny the Cocoa Puff bird in order to let off steam or just to celebrate kookiness). In which case, thank God for Studio Gainax. They gave the world one of the greatest means of "escape spaztasms" that has ever been created: FLCL (pronounced "fooly cooly").

FLCL is.... Um, it's like..... well, it's better than.... It's more fun than....

I'll figure it out someday. I can tell you what it's supposed to be about. It's about this average ordinary everyday kid (named Naota). Happy to do nothin', and in fact that's what he did. His brother is out of the country playing baseball. His father is a fucked up oddball who likes to dress up like Lupin III on occasion. His brother's girlfriend (whom he left behind) is a pyro skank who likes to touch Naota in places that his bathing suit covers. Then there's Haruhara Haruko. She's an alien who rides a yellow Vespa and likes to hit Naota on the head with her Rickenbacker bass guitar (which happens to cause lots of robots to come pourin' out of the poor kid's noggin once an episode). Oh yeah, there's also Kanchi. Kanchi is the coolest robot ever made. He's around 8 feet tall, has a tv for a head and has a Harpo Marx complex. He can do just about anything you want him to.

That just about sums it up. Mamimi (Naota's brother's girlfriend) picks on Naota in a very sexually suggestive manner, Naota gets frustrated with her and his dad (and Grandpa), Haruko smashes his head in with her guitar and a strange robot pops out with whom Naota must fight and destroy with Kanchi's help. There's also some sort of weird government agency that's being run by a guy with fake eyebrows that is trying to capture Haruko and Kanchi. And there's talk of a space pirate too, but I don't want to confuse you or myself anymore so I'll just let it go at that.

FLCL is trippy. It's also very funny but in a sick and weird way. Do you find it funny when 12 year old boys are kinda sexually abused in a comical sort of way by their brother's girlfriend or by a freak from outer space? Do you chuckle whenever kids are cracked on the skull by a musical instrument causing evil machines to climb out of their forehead? Do you piss your pants when you watch a screaming match between father and son turn into moving comic book frames? I do. Which is why I thought that this OAV was genius.

It's only 6 episodes long, but it will confuse the hell out of you. At least it should. It kinda has an ending, but it doesn't really explain everything down to the last detail to you. It would actually really suck if it did. I believe that it's FLCL's feelings of disorder and ambiguosity that make it a winner. Watch it to be amazed that somebody actually thought to animate it. Do not expect Shakespeare. Don't even expect Mac and Me.

In the end I find that I must give FLCL 69 out of 78 Stars of Power and Patriotism. It is fun to watch, but it was missing something. I guess I'm just used to Gainax shows having a great ending (i.e. EVA, Nadia, and Gunbuster). This just left me scratching my head. I wonder if enjoying it on an acid trip like the director must have had during production time would help. It could only kill brain cells.

"It was just so URRGH!"
The Fooly CHI-CHI

God bless 'em! Bless who, you ask? Bless those sick fucko's who thought that I'd like this walrus dung on a DVD. They tried hard. The animation was pretty cool and all too, but the entire show just made me want to grab the creators by their nad packs and shake vigorously like an electric paint mixer. That might sober the pukes up a bit.

Yeah, I laughed at a good bit of it. Some of the destruction was pretty durn funny. But I really hated to see those two sluts try to sexually abuse that kid all the time. It hit too close to home for me. You see, when I was but a wee lad I was touched in a bad place. Over and over again. By my dog, Biscuit. Yeah, I was the one who put syrup on my dong and told him to lick, but that one time (that final time), he actually bit like he was trying to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop. That little hairy fucker was out the window so goddamn fast that I doubt he realized that we were on the second floor. Holy shit!! I had to keep ice in my undies for 2 whole months just to keep the swelling down enough to pee. Don't worry though, I learned my lesson. I only use peanut butter now. Creamy style.

Since FLCL brought back such horrible memories of my youth I will only give it 1 out of 5 stars. Too low, you say? Well, you weren't there when Biscuit's incisors and canine teeth took to Lil' Chi-Chi like a beaver to a weeping willow.

Ahoy, ya scurvy Playboy!
The Fooly MEGAPLAYBOY

Don't be a fool! Try and be cool. Suck my tool. Baby, don't drool. Yeah, I fuckin' rule. I hated school. Awe, honey, that's cruel. I'll drown yo ass in the pool. I loved Ghosbusters 'cause of Zuul. I traded my ho for a five dollar mule. Man, this anime was a total jewel.

FLCL was da bomb, bitch! It had so much goin' on that I was busy skippin' the light fantastic with my buds, that giant penguin from Billy Madison and Frosty the Snowman! I was sooooo fuckin' wasted. And it was all due to this show. Not one bit of Columbian hash!

First I started watchin' and I was bummin', sayin' things like, "Yo, Rosschild. What the hell is with that little dude and his female posse? That one's a whore, the other's a loony and that classmate girlie's all messed in the melon. Why you gots to be showin' me this sappy, crappy shiznit?!" In response he stapled me to my chair and stuffed some of his dirty shorts in my mouth to keep me from blabbin'. Those skid-mark filled boxers unfortunately had an undesired side effect, my brothas. They induced vomiting. But they also kept said puke from leavin' my mouth.... Come to think of it, that's probably a bad thing too.

So, I got into FLCL a lot. It was fly. If only I could make robots like that scooter ridin' chickie could. I'd be bashin' in heads left and right with my Stratocaster causin' mass robo-hysteria and hopefully a major headache for da man! You know that their itty bitty guns would have no damn effect on Kanchi and his crew. Awe yeah, I'd love to see the assfuck pig that shot me in the ass for drag-racin' him on Lumpkin Street get squashed like a ladybug underneath that giant hand robot too! That would be beyond the cooly!

Yo, fool! Let me just say that FLCL deserves no less than a 4 Ninja Star Salute of Dismemberment! It was fast, the soundtrack was kickin' and anarchy ruled! Just like my life...