K (that's it, just "K")

The Boggled ROSSMAN

Will someone please tell me what I just watched? I have no fucking idea just what this series (that would be "K") was about, or what it tried to say. Well, I guess it TRIED to say "Hey! Look at me! I'm one of the most idiotic and unnecessary anime shows ever made! Hey, hey, hey!!!" I only guessed that this was its core message because it fucking said it to me multiple times per episode. This show would be the perfect show to mock MST3K-style with your drunk buddies. Beyond that though, it ain't good for nothing but wasting your time.

Jesus, where to start with this one... I'll just jump into the plot (and I use that term extremely loosely because if I used the more descriptive "crap soup for your brain" it might have confused you). K is all about these two gangs of ESPers who rule Tokyo's underworld and police forces with their lightningkinetic and pyrokinetic powers (each group being ruled by a "king" who gives all his subordinates powers like his own, because why not?). The Red King's men (the fire gang guys) and the Blue King's gang (the electric asshole police force known as Scepter 4) are in the middle of pounding the shit out of each other one day, when a video featuring a teenage boy (who claims to be "The Colorless King") straight-up killing one of the Red King's most pussy-like toadies gets released to the public, and then everybody in both the warring factions of blue and red turn their attention to finding the murderer.

No, wait, K is really about a weird teenage slacker named Yashiro (aka Shiro), and his annoying lazy lifestyle as he dances through his high school life with his pet cat by his side... His pet cat who is really a cat-girl who can cause people to see illusions because NEOOOOOOW! You see, it turns out that Shiro looks JUST LIKE the Colorless King who killed that guy on that video that everyone's seen, and so the Reds and Blues, and some sword-swinging free-agent named Kuroh Yatogami, are all after him! Zoiks!

I admit that up to this point it seems kind of straight forward and not so retard-skull-fuckingly lame, but wait.

So this Kuroh guy almost kills Shiro like 3 times because his old dead master told him to, but then he just stops and cooks the kid and his cat-girl breakfast. Then the Red King hooligan surrenders himself to the Blue King because writers love drugs. After that, some of the Red pyrokinetics find out what high school Shiro goes to and goes there to hunt him down (for supposedly killing their amigo), but when they get there Shiro has already left with Swordy McSworderson and the bouncy cat-girl, and none of the students, teachers, or the school's databases seem to remember him when the gang-bangers question them. Then some head-scratchingly lame shit happens for no reason but to drag out the runtime of this thing, then we get a flashback to WWII when a scientist on crack named Adolf (seriously, anybody who gave this raving man-child a budget to fuck with space-time and all of humanity should have been shot in the testicles) invents superheroes and then goes on to make 7 of them, with himself as their king, and they all move to Tokyo because retarded. Then there's a big battle at Shiro's high school between the Reds, Blues, Shiro and company, and the real Colorless King, where the Red King (who just walked out of jail because ugh) is about to go supernova and take out the whole city with him because he's an a-hole. And finally Shiro discovers he's the real Golden King or some such nonsense, and the only way he can kill the Colorless King (who is a body-hopper) is to let him jump into his body and let the Red King kill him because this show is the stupid and couldn't think of the 50 other ways to save the day that my friends and I came up with simply by putting ourselves in his golden, mongoloid shoes. Then end credits and massive applause from us, not because the ending was amazing, but just because it ended.

K was pretty bad — I will not sugar-coat it. I disliked all of the characters, the story was ludicrous without any attempt to fill in the enormous plot holes that were big enough for one to fly the Buster Machine 3 through, and the music just suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked. The animation itself wasn't that bad, but the character designs looked like generic ass, and that negated anything good that I saw on the screen.

Some of the major things that just bugged the tittyfucks out of me were elements of the plot that they tried to make something huge about at first, only to completely ignore without ever explaining. For example, there are claimed to be 7 super-powered color kings in Tokyo, but we don't even hear about any of the other ESPers beyond the red and blues involved in this battle because the writers are kind of slow. I mean why even MENTION that there are 7 psychic courts — each with their own special ultra super power — if we never even see them or find out anything about what the other color kings and their minions do and who they are? As if no other ESPer would get involved in a war that could destroy the entire city because one or two of their kind went rogue... There is no explanation for the missing kings, and they simply hope that the audience will forget this oversight instead of being forced to put any kind of effort into creating a few more characters.

K is lazy, mind-crushingly stupid, annoying, and filled with ugly and moronic characters. If that's your cup of tea, then HEY! You're in luck! For the rest of you who don't like to lose IQ points while watching your entertainment programs, stay the fuck away. It ain't worth the risk. Thanks to me having to watch every last episode of this shit-covered pine cone I can barely tie my shoes anymore. I hate this show and give it potato.

CUPCAKE

I cannot think of one nice thing to say about this anime. It was silly (in a bad way), it was stupid, it was all over the friggin' place, and it had one of the most lame endings I've ever seen. I even disliked the opening and ending theme songs.

That... That's pretty much it. And now that I'm thinking about it again I have a headache.

I did not like K. Not one iota. I have better things to do with my time than watch subpar shows like this. For example: putting a tutu on my dog; swallowing cod liver oil by the gallon; painting my old Barbie's face to look like the Joker; or maybe even running around pinching hobos on the butt for good luck.

CARL

Never before have I been so underwhelmed during a show about people beating each other up. I mean, there were tons of guys and large-tittied chicks with super powers who could fry or electrocute things with their minds, but there was really no danger to anyone involved. There was a man with a sword who claimed he was going to cut off that weird guy's head, but he never did. And there was that big fight between the two guild leaders, but they didn't die, nor did they even get scratched.

And no big questions that I had while watching this were ever answered. For example: Why the fuck was it called "K"? What the fuck was up with that catgirl? What purpose under the goddamn sun did she serve in this story other than being an awful annoying character who did jack and shit? Why didn't that body-hopping dude try something like that decades ago? Why didn't the Red Fire King put himself, and the rest of the city at risk like a dickhead like that? And was that the only solution the Colorless King could come up with to stop the body-hopper? Stupid sacrifices just piss me the fuck off.

I ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffucking hated this show. I give it an F because FUCK IT!