Kimi ga Nozomu Eien
(aka Rumbling Hearts..? WTF?)

The Eternally Desired ROSSMAN

Drama. I'm not opposed to it, like some people think. Yeah, I prefer comedies and action stories to all out, balls-to-the-wall doramas. But if done right, and if the characters are really engaging, I just love me some heart-wrenching hypermelodrama. Kimizomu is one of the most sensational and over-emotionally charged series I've ever seen, and for the most part, it's entertaining. After watching the first 6 episodes, I was trying to explain to the Chief "how totally shitty the main guy's life is. He had the world at his fingertips, but now he doesn't have much of a future, and he can't really love the girl he has feelings for, and the other girl that loves him has found a way to make his guilt-complex work in her favor! Wow! How dramatic!" The Chief then responded, "So, it's kind of like Marmalade Boy... Are they back to reusing all the old shit from the 80's already?" That made me think (a dangerous pasttime, I know). I then began to realize that I was basically watching an animated soap opera. It even included hospitals, comas, betrayals and lives turning shitty due to unfortunate, circumstancial, and beyond silly accidents. It was basically a teenage Days of Our Lives.... *Ick*... I then felt a bit betrayed myself.

Kimizomu is a clear mixture of Days and a "rated R" version of Kimagure Orange Road. One guy, two chicks (one athletic, talented and hot, the other annoying, stupid, and retarded), in one fucked up triangle relationship (guy digs hot girl and vice versa, but hot girl promised to help idiot, retard friend get guy). But, what sets it apart from KOR is all the nudity and sex. Oh, and lack of any humor whatsoever (though I guess that pushes it even more into the "soap" camp). The drama in this show gives Infinite Ryvius a run for its money. Seriously, no laughter or joy in Whosville. Just angst and questioning feelings. Every feeling is questioned at least three times per episode... You think I'm kidding.

Now, on to the characters. Takayuki is the main guy in the middle of all the chicks wanting his bod. He starts out pretty cool and likeable, but some of the choices he makes later on in the show will make you scratch your head and wonder if a stupid midget who hated him was ordering him to do things through an earpiece, and the threat of eletroshocks to his nads, the whole time. Hayase is the hot swimmer girl who likes Takayuki, but passes on a chance to bag him so that her stupid and weak friend can sink her claws into the boy toy. Hayase then suffers a mental breakdown (though it's not quite as big as Takayuki's own self destruction) when her gal pal gets knocked the fuck into a coma due to Hayase's flirting with Takayuki... Trust me, it kind of makes more sense to see it happen... Kind of. But anyway, Haruka (the retard friend of Hayase), is pretty dense. I mean, it takes her something like 4 to 5 weeks to figure out that she'd been in a coma for over three years, despite the fact that her kid sister is now 18 (now complete with even bigger tits than her own), and her once chin-length hair is now past her waist. Beyond any of the main protagonists, the character I ended up liking the most was the foul-mouthed waitress who worked with Takayuki at that family restaurant. The way she'd call customers "dumbasses," and "cat shit-eaters" to their faces, and throw things at people who pissed her off kind of reminded me of somebody I know. Namely me. I still do it to people who cross me and I don't even work in the food industry anymore. They're all fuckers!

I won't get into all the crap that everybody goes through (I've basically just given hints above... Vague, bland and pointless hints), but needless to say everyone of the characters (main or sub) goes to Hell and back, and sometimes back and back and back again before the final credits roll. Sometimes the reasons that characters do the (stupid) things that they do can't be helped (I found myself saying, "Hell, I'd bang her if I were in his shoes... Tomorrow's gonna suck, but tonight will be pretty wicked awesome!"). While other times you wonder if they're all masochists, and they think that their entire viewing audience is nothing but sadists who LIVE to see people make gay mistakes and ruin their lives. Thinking back over the entire 14 episode series, not that much happened during its run. The first two episodes hold the most excitement, and then it's 12 episodes of depressing triangle loves that push the viewer well past the breaking point. It was like watching what REALLY would have happened if Madoka and Hikaru, two Japanese teenage girls who were really good friends, fell for the same dipshit guy who couldn't decide between them, and who ended up playing the field until somebody cracked. Alls I'm saying is don't expect hugs and puppies by the story's end. Hell, don't even expect a happy wrist-slashing. You just sit there wondering "How can these people's lives get any shittier?"... And then without skipping a beat, they do. I mean, wow! Kimizomu puts my high school love life misery to utter shame!

Anyway, what I find to be the best/most fucked up part of Kimizomu is that I've been told that in the original hentai game that this show is based on, Takayuki gets to nail every girl he comes across. And he even bangs a bunch of sick (and underaged) chicks in the hospital. The Japanese people, everyone! Let's give them a hand! Applause for their unbelievably sick minds! Yaaaay!.... Christ on a stick...

What did I think of Kimi ga Nozomu Eien? I give it 3 out of 5 Stars of HEART PAIN. It was okay. A bit too dramatic for my taste, with little payoff for all the hell I had to go through with the main characters. And seriously, who's ass did they pull that ending out of?!... They even had an extra episode to finish this whole thing up, and THAT'S what they came up with?! God, I really need to start writing shows myself. Most TV writers completely suck. And was that blonde, bitchy waitress the daughter of somebody rich and important? What the hell happened to that subplot? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I don't WANT to play the game to know the answer!

Oh, one more question: Do ALL hentai games (and shows based on them) have a schoolyard tree acting as the most important prop for all the relationships within?... Or is it just me?

The Choked Up JAIMI

*Sniff*... This was soooooo sad. I... I didn't think I'd get through it all. It so reminded me of my previous relationship with the guy that I dated seven boyfriends before I met my Kiff. See, Xander was a player. Even more of a player than the MegaPlayboy because he actually got some from some of the girls he's dated (ummm, none from me though, cause I was saving it all for my sweet sweet Kiff). Anyway, so Xander was apparenly dating some tart named Candy, or Bambi, or Buffy, when he was seeing me, but for some reason I just couldn't let the hunk go. I should have just turned my back on him and said, "Xander! Who is it going to be? Pick me or her! Right now, mister!" But before I could even get the first syllable out he'd start tickling me with that feather and he'd get me to take off my.... Well, thanks to his smooth hands, Xander was able to keep both me and Bambi on his leash for a few more months... Not that He actually had me on a leash... with a studded collar... That's just figurative. Honestly, I still can't figure out how he actually talked both us ladies into jumping into that Jell-O filled.... Ummm, how about I just rate this now.

I give this Eternity show a thumb up. It was just like watching an animated Days, only the plot was a bit more grounded. No evil twins or explosions. I guess it can't have it all, huh?

The Funked Out WOLFMAN

Holy fuck?! Did the producers of this show actually interview all the psycho chicks the Rossman went out with in high school and college? It's like they basically just recorded snippets of his sorry life from when he was 17 to 21 years old. I was forced to watch the pain of his sorry existence all over again!... And it was even better the second time!

The only difference is that there were really only 2 girls who fucked with the main character's mind in this show, and the Rossman had at least a half a dozen... Not that he was a "player" or anything, just that he completely sucked at relationships. Just ask Just Kidding (I know she's reading this right now.... How's it goin? Long time no see), or Kirsten, or Katie... Christ, maybe he just has bad luck with girls whose name began with a "K". Kreepy.

Anyway, it was fun to sit through that Japanese Rossman's pathetic existence for a few hours, but then I got bored and started calling up each of the real Rossman's old ball-and-chains and telling them that he had once secretly video taped them together in compromising postitions, and that he was about to go public with them online in order to become as popular as Paris Hilton and whatever any of those guys' names were. The bonfire effigy they quickly threw together on his front lawn made my dark heart swell with pride.

The pain of this show was my pleasure. I give it a Wolfman Howl of Greatness!