Midori no Hibi (aka Midori's Days)

What the FUCK?

I just. It's.... When the......... What the FUCK?!

This is quite possibly the weirdest, most bizarrely FUCKED UP premise I've ever even heard of. Saikano is a classic fairy tale compared to Midori no Hibi. Please Twins is the Olsen Twins Slumber Party Video (when Mary Kate and Ashley were all cute and 7) in comparison to Midori. Gunslinger Girl is a modern day Pinocchio when placed next to this show. Midori no Hibi is THE MOST FUCKED UP THING I think I've ever seen. But beyond that it really ain't that bad. It's just... What the FUCK?!

Okay, I'm going to try and explain this thing to you, and it's going to sound really weird, and you are going to think that I made this up. But my imagination was fried out of my brain years ago due to that radioactive toaster and Smurf incident that Dr. Dave allowed to get so out of hand... Hand, heh heh... You'll get the joke in a second, just hold on... Hold on, with your hand... Hee hee!

Midori's Days is about high school punk, Seiji Sawamura, and his unattainable goal of getting a girlfriend before he turns into a wrinkly old virgin. His main problem? After spending years building up his rep as schoolyard brawler "Mad Dog Sawamura" with the "Devil's Right Hand", all the high school girls in town are terrified of his bleach-blonde ass. Seiji actually reminds me of a younger, not as disgusting, Onizuka. Yeah, he's a tough bastard, but he's always looking out for the little guys, and he only picks on people who are picking on the little guys themselves. Sounds normal enough, you say? Well, champ, give me time to get into the meat and potatoes of this show. So, Seiji doesn't have a girlfriend, but he also doesn't see the compassionate stares of a quiet little green-haired girl from an elite high school who's fallen in love with him from afar. One night, Seiji falls asleep complaining that his right hand will probably be the only girlfriend that he ever has... The following morning, Seiji wakes up and finds that his "Devil's Right Hand" has been replaced with the previously mentioned green-haired cutie who then confesses her once secret love to him... What the FUCK?!

It only gets weirder from there. Seiji and Midori (the green-haired hand girl) must make it through their lives now while trying to keep their problem a secret from everyone around them (this is done mostly by wrapping Midori's head up in bandages to make it look like Seiji hurt his real hand in a fight). But soon people (all the wrong people) start to find out about him and her and hilarity does indeed ensue.

What happened to Midori's real body? How much control does Midori have over Seiji's body? Why is Seiji's punk older sister always picking on him? What the hell does that freak with the glasses and greasy hair want? Does Seiji really have more secret admirers than he knew about? What's up with that grade school chick and her hots for Seiji? Does Midori's childhood wussy friend want her back, does he just want to see her happy, or does he have the hots for Seiji too? Does Midori really want to stop being Seiji's hand? How many jokes can you possibly have about a guy who's right hand became his actual girlfriend? And most importantly What the FUCK!?!

Well, pretty much all of the answers to the above questions are found out throughout the course of the show... And the second to last one is "41". The final question will never be answered. Seriously, What the FUCK!?! I found myself blurting that out at least 5 times per episode. True, by the final half hour (episode 13), you DO start to get used to the whole thing but still... What the FUCK?!

All of the characters in Midori are likeable. Even that greasy-haired freak with the puppet obsession. He's not that bad. Seiji's sister though fucking stole the show. I wish they'd make a series all about her high school days as the leader of that bike gang. That would be great! But I digress. The character development in Midori no Hibi is what really surprised me though. The three main charas, Seiji, Midori and Seiji's female class president, all become different people through the natural flow of the story.. Wait, did I just write that this story had anything to do with something NATURAL? Kooky. Anyway, Seiji tries his best to protect his new right hand, as rival punks try their best to rip him a new one in revenge for beating them up in the past, as the class prez tries her best to stop Seiji from fighting and getting other people involved (not even knowing about the other people actually attached to Seiji).

I need to take a break before the strangeness of this whole thing overwhelms me again. Ciao...

It's been two days now.. I think I can contin- What the FUCK!?!?

Okay, two days more. So, it's a comedy show, and it's surprisingly very light on the ecchiness. I went into it thinking that it was going to be wall to wall masturbatory jokes, and retarded situations of "how will Seiji go to the bathroom?!?" and "how will he keep his pr0n collection away from little Midori?!" But thankfully it was not. It was actually pretty clean. There were some shots of boobies, but only one or two instances really, and they're covered up pretty fast. It surprised me at how gentlemanly Seiji was. And Midori was such a cutie. She could do no wrong. If I ever had to have a girl for my right hand I would probably choose Midori... Oh my God. I did NOT just write that!.... Holy fuck that's embarrassing. That's a total lie. If I ever had to have my right hand turn into a chick it could only be Nicole Kidman. Her or... What the FUCK?!?!

So, what did I think of Midori's Days? It reeeeeeally took me by surprise. Probably the biggest EVER "What the FUCK" that was ever made. Still, it was fun, and I would recommend it to those of you out there who like weird shit. I give it three thumbs up... My remaining left hand thumb, and both of Nicole's.

I have seen the light, and it is human-to-hand transfusions! My GOD, why didn't I ever think of this before?! It's... It's just ingenious!

Imagine, never having to stay awake through another boring Mad Scientists of America (MadSAm) meeting ever again! I'd just have lil' Dr. Dave takes notes for me. That's probably what I would do too, I'd clone myself, but stop the advanced aging process when my clone was about 21 or 22.... Right after my/his difficult phase. Then I'd shrink the bastard down, saw his legs off, attach his blood system to my own right arm, and somehow hook up his nervous system to my own spinal cord... Hmm, that might be the tricky part. If I got things wrong my little hand-doc might gain control of MY motor skills... That would not be good. Also, what if that little fucker got drunk off of a spoonful of my special grandpa tonic after I passed out one night?... There's no telling what he would or could do. Oh boy... What if he decided that he didn't WANT to be a part of me? Crap in a hat... I'd never be able to go to sleep again! It'd be like that whole Chuckie doll incident all over again!

On second thought... Maybe I'll just continue my work on making those miniature elephants that will live in the rectums of larger elephants. I don't believe that real life science is ready for any scary and psychotic hand-people quite yet.

I have to give this show a thumb down. Intriguing, but disturbing nonetheless. Hmmmm, maybe instead of making a human my right hand, I'll turn my leg into somebody, like that Skuzzlebutt guy. Except I'd probably use TV's Mr. Roper as my appendage.

You wanna know what MY right hand is saying right now?

What the fuck?!!?