Witch Craft Works

The Crafty ROSSMAN

And here we are... With another witch show. Another high school witch show... Another high school witch show with fairly boring characters, featuring magical rules that are never truly ironed out and without any real defined edges, just so that they can keep making crap up whenever the creators write themselves into a corner. I grow tired of this set-up.

Witch Craft Works is nothing new. In fact it's something so old and reused that I've just given up bitching about all the retread characters (the brother-loving sister; the shady hiding-something teacher; the big bad who has foreseen every fucking possible contingency [no matter how trivial-seeming] that can be used against her, EXCEPT the wimpy lead character's gumption), the recycled plot (bad guy wants to take over/destroy [not really sure which] town for some vague reason, and the well-structured [but overwhelmed] good guys pull together to stop the evil forces, but it is the super-powerful, but under trained, n00b who saves everyone's lame ass in the end due to his undying determination), and the well-worn setting (a Japanese high school)... Whatever.

So WCW starts out with one of the pussiest high school boys you've ever met (one Takamiya Honoka) finding out that the tall, buxomly, super smart, gorgeous, monotone princess of his school (one Kagari Ayaka) is a fire witch, and that she's taken it upon herself to protect Honoka (usually by picking him up like a bride being carried to her honeymoon bed) from evil witches (aka "Tower Witches") who want him because..... I quite frankly have no idea why anybody'd want him. These Tower Witches alternately try to capture Honoka, or kill him, or lock him up for a while whilst they attempt to take-over/blow-up the city that he lives in. See, it seems that Honoka is FILLED with the ever-impressive, supreme powers of the cosmos, but he can't handle the power (Except that he can and often does). But then he's given a special evil candy by a bad Tower Witch that will unlock this power (which is supposed to be a bad thing, but is actually only used for good)... Only this Tower Witch is working with Ayaka's mother (who is an all-powerful, unbeatable sarcastic Glinda good-witch)... And this power inside Honoka comes forth in the form of a "White Princess" who charges Honoka for every time that he uses her to beat any bad witches that come his way... Only she never really collects this fee (whatever that fee is supposed to be)... Oh, and Ayaka is invulnerable when she's with Honoka because she can somehow (it's never explained) tap into his White Princess power to turn herself into a virtual Superman... But if Honoka is battle damaged Ayaka takes on the wounds. This is a cool idea, but it's sometimes forgotten making the viewer wonder if the writers were paying attention during their writing meetings. My guess is "No, they were not. They were thinking about 'Vocaloid - Hatsune Miku' instead."

Honestly, I began watching this show thinking "Okay, this has potential." The character designs are fairly pleasing, it's ridiculous in a silly way, and it's slathered in girl powah (Woot!). But then the tidal wave of characters (the vast majority of which don't amount to jack shit in the plot and are only there to be goofy or eye-candy) started to overwhelm me, and the plot kept tripping on itself by saying "Oh, remember that thing that was important and dangerous in the beginning... Well we forgot about it, so it's really not that big a deal now. Oh, and that one character that we've been building up as being the biggest, most heinous big bad in the history of the world, well, she's really quite easy to defeat, and we don't know why we made her seem so intimidating, but, ummmm, she wasn't the REAL big bad! Nope! Uhhhh, see, the REAL big bad is somebody we haven't even hinted at before the 2nd to last episode. And she's like fucking Moriarty and Voldemort all rolled up into one... Except she's an idiot really, and a wussy teenager beats her. Sooooo, um, yeah."

And what the fuck was the deal with Honoka's mother and Ayaka's mother? Were they lovers back in high school? What did that flashback into their youths have to do with anything in the present (other than to show that Honoka's mom is certifiable in how she can't function and won't even go to work if she's slightly insulted by her daughter)? You know how every character in Evangelion is messed up, but it's compelling how they deal (or don't deal) with their emotional scars? Well in WCW it's simply retarded watching grown women pout and roll into little balls on the floor while their daughters try to get it on with their own brothers.

Witch Craft Works looks good most of the time — it has a decent animation budget and has nice to look at character designs (even though there are far too many characters designed, making it difficult to keep track of all the unique-looking players when you first meet them thinking that they'll be important in the end... the vast majority are not). The ending theme song is one of those super peppy ridonkulously catchy things with a good beat that you won't get out of your head for a week after first hearing it ("witchy activity!"), but the rest of the music is completely and utterly forgettable. The whole of the experience is hollow, and just a little off. Nothing is new, nothing is breathtakingly amazing, and nothing is well-told really... There's too much general confusion or actual forgotten plot points to truly enjoy this thing.

Witch Craft Works is like the creators had a "paint by numbers" project, and they were just coloring it in section by section, just like the instructions said (making it look like every other witch or "super special, powerful high school student" show ever made). But then, after a while, they ran out of blue, and so they used red and brown instead, and when they realized it was starting to roll off the rails they then started to randomly paint bunnies and explosions all over the mess that they made, hoping that nobody would notice their shame and their lousy planning. I noticed. And as a finished "work of art" I'd say it compares unfavorably to that "Feces Jesus" or the "Red Dot" projects that I've seen in modern art museums before.

I should have known better, but I didn't do any research on Witch Craft Works first, and it kind of bit me in the ass. It was not good, and although it wasn't the worst thing I've ever seen (not even the worst witchy thing I've ever seen), it does not earn high marks from me. I can only give it 12 out of 32 Points of Magically Delicious Charms of Luck. Go watch Kiki's Delivery Service, or Magic User's Club (OVA and TV series) instead.

CUPCAKE

Screw what the Rossman says! This show was fun! Capital F-U-N!

It's got tons of fun witches, lots of fun magic, and a whole helluva lot fun destruction caused by magic! The character designs are really cute, and the bad guys are really bad! Bad as in "gunna murder you 5 times before you die!" bad.

The plot could have been stronger, I'm not arguing that, but with some of the crap the Rossman watches and gives good ratings too he's got no leg to stand on with his thoughts on this show.

At the very least, if it comes to Netflix I say check it out! That is if you like FUN things. Fun things starring witches. Lots of witchy activity here.

I liked it, and I'm woman enough to say it. Oh, and don't read Carl's review below. Trust me.

CARL-mageddon

This is sooooo lame. I mean, lame enough for me to want to break the fingers of all the drawers and painters who made this crap! Come on, you pathetic choads! Did you just say "Hey, why don't we make Harry Potter a really lame bitch, and have some butch chick carry him around all day in her arms." Seriously, dude, this chick picks the main guy up like a little baby in her arms, and CARRIES him around, usually running him away from danger because he's the biggest fucking pussy on the planet!

And oh man, what's with all the dumb chicks in this series?! They're all so.... So goddamn dumb! Those 5 stupid witches that worked for Medusa were so incompetent that they couldn't even get dressed without losing an eye... At least that's why I'm guessing they wore eye-patches. And the loser guy's sister was so stupid she wanted to bone her brother... Her wimpy, feminine, dumb brother. And the loser guy's mom would get all wussy and not go to work if the chick she loved when she was in high school slightly dissed her. What is wrong with Japan today? Well, I kind of fucking know what's wrong... Shit like this show... I just don't know WHY it's acting like this.

I hurl the Monkey of Madness at this show's face and hope that I can put it out of its misery.