Shrek

The ROSSMAN and the Hulk

Yes. I saw Shrek. On purpose. And I have to admit that all in all I liked it. Yes, it is a kiddie movie. And yes, it is a fairy tale... But it has fart jokes too. And it has lines like "I have to save my ass!" (in reference to a donkey, true, but the line is in there).

Shrek is an ogre. He's big and green and mean, but he's not caused by gamma radiation. He was born that way. Come to think of it though, Shrek does have a lot in common with the Hulk. Aside from the obvious likenesses, they're originally both hunted by the military and shunned by the average non-mutated public. Both are strong for their size and relatively witty (well, at least Mr. Fix-It was a sarcastic side of the Hulk). They both get duped into doing things for other people because of their strength and the ease at which they're manipulated, and both of them know a hot chick that can turn mean and green just like them too. That's kind of scary! It's like the Dreamworks people just opened up some early Hulk issues and said "Hey! That'd be a swell idea for our kids movie with Eddie Murphy as the jackass! Now just add some more dick jokes." And dick jokes they did add. Quite a surprising number for a PG rated flick. Though the little gingerbread man yelling "Eat me!" was worth all the forced moral lessons we were made to sit through by story's end.

I give Shrek 31/5 Rossman Stars of Reverence mostly because that ogre's the coolest green person I've seen since that hot green babe that Kirk bopped on Star Trek.

DEV

Shrek couldn't seem to make up its mind as to what kind of a movie it wanted to be. It tried hard to suck at some points, while at others it was actually funny. Yes, I Satan actually laughed at certain parts of this film... Mostly when people died though. I giggled when that little bird blew up too.

I am thoroughly impressed with how far computer technology has come in recent years. Those gay and lifeless CG animation guys have done wonders! The way that they can make "death by dragon" look oh-so-delightful is quite impressive. I was really hoping for like a big nuclear explosion or 3D rendered plague to wipe out the entire cast in the ending credits but instead we had to be subjected to the lesson of the day. In case you couldn't figure it out from the commercials that show a big, ugly ogre flirting with a dainty little pretty pretty princess, the moral is "Death is imminent. So despair and turn evil, you humans!"

Eh, I'd give Shrek one thumb up. It was too uplifting and had too many songs by Smash Mouth to receive two.

KUNI of the Hill People

What is happening, crazy people!!!??? I saw this movie with green man and am happy! I love the green man in movies! They are all green and normal not green people are not!!! THAT IS CRAZY! Why is this man green I say!! Why are you not green (are you?)!! I do not know and that is the funny thing! I was saying to the Rossman that nobody in the room watching the movie is that green!!! Why do they laugh so??!!! I laugh too because he is green and because I saw a dog take a shit (not in the movie though). It was the super funny and then he smelled it!!!! Not the green man. That is not why he is green!! Or maybe he is!!! Holy fuck shit I laughed and laughed at what it was!!!

(Note from the Rossman: I think that Kuni liked Shrek, but I can't be sure. It's normal for him to laugh through a movie after he sees an animal defecate.)