You see, Americans as a whole are too uptight. If some Midwestern housewife saw a bare breast flash on the tube she'd shit a brick and trip over her retarded son's toys to get to the phone to call her Congressman in order to "get the filthy filthy pornography off the air, PRONTO", without even checking the TVGuide to see that it was the Discovery Channel's mammogram special trying to save her pathetic ass from breast cancer and nipple collectors. But that doesn't matter, cause if her little Johnny had actually seen a naked booby he might grow up to be the next Larry Flint and do nothing but look at naked boobies all day.... Yeah, I can understand how not wanting your kid to be a freak paraplegic can be noble and all, but for God's sake, LARRY FLINT! She should be that lucky! The man is a forward thinker at the very least.

To back up a bit, that's where Japan is actually ahead of us. Now, I'm not talking about all that rorikon stuff (cause that would be wrooooooong and supple). Just the perversion in general. Don't get me wrong, the last thing I want is tentacle monsters in every all-girls high school or neighborhood sex-stalkers in all of the girls dormitories on every college campus across the States. I don't think we'll be ready for that for another 4-5 more years. But I am talking about being a little more open about our sexuality. The Japanese don't think that boobies in general are evil. That is the first step to not being prudes. The second step is to actually acknowledge the fact that your dad has groped and more than likely sucked on your mom's breasts on at least one known occasion in their lives. Yes, I do understand how screwed up that mentality truly is, but it's necessary... Just don't think of my parents you fucking psychos!!! That's just wrong and disturbingly deviant.

Only after everyone understands that boobies and twats and yes, even cocks are part of our bodies, and therefore not an abomination in the Lord's eyes, can we truly be free. See, in Japan they have cartoons during primetime that show long-limbed, green-haired vixens fucking lucky bastards like foxy foxes every night of the week! Hell, even afternoon shows and anime aimed at tots has full frontal nudity in them. You don't see every Japanese kid racing out to rape their classmates and steal their panties to sniff later on in their secret orgy closet of doom and touch because of this, do you?.... Wait, bad example.

Looking through the piles and piles of online news sources covering events and daily lives in the Land of the Rising Sun I've come across a startling revelation. It is indeed possible to go too far in one's sexual liberation and freedom, and Japan has crossed that line of normalcy at a sprint and never looked back.

There was one online Japanese newspaper that I read a while ago (I forgot its address, but it was called the Super Daily Fun News of Excitement and Power or something) in which literally every other article was about schoolgirls in weird situations. There were stories about men in their 40s becoming sugar daddies for sex-slave teenie boppers who would wear curly wigs and put shoe polish on their faces to appear African. There were tales of cops in police stations luring girls in to their precincts and taking nekkid photos of them in holding cells (or whatever they have over there) while they plugged certain orifices with guns and pens. There were even chronicles of men hiring and having their way with underage hookers for an entire night, and when the girls asked for their cash these men would claim to be government agents who were cracking down on these "rori-whore" rings. The girls would normally run, but one actually broke down and cried while she demanded her money. She cried so loud that the police came and arrested the guy. More than likely they then took the girl down to the station and took pictures of her eating pudding on the toilet.

That's just beyond the limits of good (and legal) taste.

Extra Curricular activities in Japan are pretty scary too. Sakura was telling me all about how the only decent clubs available to join were the "Spread Eagle Bondage Club", the "Shit Licking Bondage Fun Club", the "Giant Robot Dildo Making Bondage Club of Extreme" and the "Sensei-Student Sex With Bondage Candle Making and Cherry Plucking Hyper Club". She was a member of the robot dildo one herself. Her robot dildo was quite impressive. It was a triple-changer that turned from a robot to a dildo and then into a robotic puppy with vibrating tail. It's amazing how much farther advanced they are than us. She also revealed to me that gangs were pretty rampant in the city and that every once in a while a Neo-Tokyo Cyber Motorcycle Gang of Terror and Mysterious Lust would ride into their campus and conduct a massive gang bang that the whole neighborhood would watch and tape. Some of their positions went against the laws of gravity and inertia! I was very impressed (and surprised that my friend would actually keep 40 tapes of these encounters in her private video collection... I guess it's just a cultural enigma).

The part of Hitami Hikaru is played by 68 year-old actress Suchi Yohko.

I must make myself clear: All of that is way too far. All I want is for my fellow Americans to feel that they can handle a little T&A outside of Skin-emax at 4AM. I personally just need some primetime titties when I'm awake enough to see them. I don't want high school girls prancing around either. I want breast-implanted 20 something babes with enough chest to physically constitute orbiting satellites! I want experienced sluts giving BJs their all while millions watch in unison! I want others to be able to go through puberty a little less confused than I was (where the only female nudity that I had at my disposal was X-Men comic books with Storm's clothes erased and crude nipples and fuzz drawn in [not only was that situation sad, but I'm sure it decreased their street value some too]).

What about all those young and horny lads with boners that go unanswered? What if they don't have older brothers and hand-me-down Playboys? It is for them that I strive to get full frontal nudity on TV in the afternoon and hardcore banging at night! I just hope that my crusade is not too late for millions of kids who must now try to pretend that the Ling on Ally McBeal is fully unclothed and coming on to them during the big court scene in order to get their rocks off. I pray that they accept my gift, but also that they don't go too far and proceed to create an evil elixir that will turn them into an eight-dicked tentacle monster with an appetite for their co-eds' sweaty panties and gym shorts. That's just how it began in Japan.