The
"I Can't Believe I'm Not Dead"
Party Rundown (page 2)
(01/22/2003)
We're
halfway done, troopers! Now to bring out the big guns! The "spew
shots" and the "even more embarrassing candid moments"!
Bonzai!
Chi-Chi made a naughty
party foul by knockin' his Miller over on the Gaming and Raping
Table. Slurping it all up was actually his own idea. Most everybody
else just wanted the mongo to use a paper towel instead of this.
What really turned everyone's cookies in their tummies was when
he was done lapping the table clean, Chi-Chi got up, smacked
his lips and asked who spilled the gravy that he just licked
up. |
Here's my Gene Simmons
impression. Check it out, ladies!
Richard
(lower right), takes advantage of my KISS inspired distraction
to gobble Charley's cock and balls. |
|
 This was the beginning of the legend which
shall forever more be known as "The Night Chi-Chi Was Killed
And Reborn by/from Alcohol".
See, Chi-Chi started
hitting the bottle pretty damn early on New Year's Eve (he was
blotto by 10AM), but he kept on going and going like a cheap
Chinese whore working for a twenty. By around 7PM that night
he was turning pretty green and he soon made like a bullet for
the john. After he had expooged his guts out in a most unfavorable
manner, he got right back up, grabbed a bottle of whiskey from
Charley's wasted hand, and began chugging again like your alcoholic
uncle with the shakes after being seperated from booze for a
full 20 minutes! It was a sight to behold!
(And, yes, I did
get a shot of the "after" scene, but just in case you're
eating something right now I chose not to show it) |
This was the greatest
mystery of the whole party. Nobody knows/will reveal who's rump
this is... At least we're pretty sure it's an ass.
My camera
disappeared for a good 15 minutes at one point during the night,
and when it reappeared there was this picture just waiting to
be oogled by unbelieving eyes. Hmmmm, it does appear to be a
nice, firm bottom. If I didn't know any better I'd say it was
mine. |
Here's Chi-Chi showing
Rita how he would have sex with a camel. Rita's reaction is understandable
considering Chi-Chi is also explaining to her why only a male
camel would do. |
Lenny, the Army Ranger
guy, declares himself "Napoleonic Dictator of the Nazis,"
and dons his battle helmet, as a group of us play RISK for shots.
FYI, I
turned the tide of global military strength forever by going
kamikaze on Bandit's gay North American stronghold, thus freeing
up Lenny to freely crush Asia and Europe and not kill me dead
after the game ended. |
|
Lenny tries to
use the force to call forth yon Bud Light. All he managed to
do was spill it though, and drown Siberia in a flood of dog piss. |
Nope, that's not
puke, it's just blood. About two gallons worth. It seems that
Richard said something to Lenny, the Army Ranger, about his wonderful
mother, and for some reason he was karate chopped in the shnoze.
Go fig. |
For some reason it's
tradition for Chi-Chi's friends to gather in a circle at midnight
on New Year's Eve and do some Riverdancing while sucking down
the champagne. Who was I to argue with tradition. Hoi! |
Woo Hoo! Kelly was
a total party animal! She may look all unexcited and drowsy here,
but she's actually supplying the crew with their holiday internet
porn. What a gal! |
Well
now. That was a trip down memory lane (that is, if I had any
memories of those three days to begin with). The reason I don't
have any pictures of the final day is because my camera vanished
again sometime during the second night, and was only found as
we were packing up to leave. I was told that it was found with
it's handstrap tied to some stray dog's package... But I'm not
sure I believe that. With this crew, if that were true,
there most definitely would have been pictures of the incident. |