The Tower of Druaga - The Sword of Uruk
(Reviewed on 04/29/2009)
The ROSSMAN
(and the Strong Bad of Uruk)
As you well know, I really liked the original Tower of Druaga: The Aegis of Uruk series that came out last year. Yeah, it had a REALLY TERRIBLE first episode, but the rest of the show more than made up for it and made me really crave the second half of the series (tagged The Sword of Uruk, which just ended in Japan a little while ago). So? Does it continue in the same awesome vein as the original? Does it blow it and fuck things up like a Saigon whore with sharp teeth before it ends? Does it exceed all expectations and actually do a better job than the first season?... Jesus fucking Christ... Do you really want me to tell you now before you read all my beautiful words below? Honest to God, I spent MINUTES thinking them up and writing them down. I COULD HAVE BEEN LOOKING UP Pr0N! READ THEM.
So things in The Sword of Uruk (Tower of Druaga part dos) begin 6 months after The Aegis of Uruk ended. The monsters within the Tower have all disappeared thanks to Jil (the goody-goody two-shoes lead of Aegis) and his crew killing the giant spider-demon Druaga in the finale of the first series, but Jil and Fatina (Jil's brother's bitch in Aegis) find that they can't follow their better halves (meaning Jil's brother Neeba, and Jil's boner-crush Kaaya, you fucking geniuses, you) into the Mythical Tower that they crossed over to in the last episode of the previous season. Jil and Fatina had immediately climbed back up to the tippy top after getting flushed down the Tower's plumbing like canoes down Shit Creek, but there was no stairway to the heavens left. OH YEAH, SPOILERS FOR THE FIRST SEASON. So then the survivors of the first climb kind of broke up and mostly went their separate ways, with Fatina sticking close to Jil after she finds that she actually likes the "nice" brother more than the "douchebag" older brother — contrary to every girl I've ever met.
Anyway, in these last 6 months King Gilgamesh starts acting like a complete tool: starting wars, not helping his people through bouts of famine and plague, and killing innocents with his own hands when they ask him simple questions... Typical asshole tyrant things. Kingy also has it declared that he was the one who defeated Druaga this time too, and he moves the capital of Uruk to Meskia, the city at the base of the ginormous Tower of Druaga, I mean the renamed Tower of Gilgamesh.
During all this royal asshattery, and Fatina and Jil's budding relationship, the chibi-moppet Kai comes to town — Kai's a little girl who claims to be a powerful priestess who gives Jil some godawful powerful visions of a powerfully bad possible future wherein his brother and Kaaya meet gut-stabbingly powerfully hacked-up fates in the top floors of the Mythical Tower. Kai is being chased by tons of people and armies though, and soon, in order to keep her safe — and to have another excuse to look for Kaaya — Jil talks some of his and Fatina's old comrades-in-arms (and some new adventurers caught up in the whole fubar situation) on a quest to get to the second tower floating above the main one in order to save his bro and poon-tang.
All your old favorites come back in SoU too. Honestly, I was about to go ape shit with my Kuupa withdrawal until she showed up with her master in episode 3, still as freakishly strong as ever. All the different factions climbing up the Tower in search of either Kai or the prize at the top are pretty cool (well, some start out douchey, but turn out to be pretty good people by the end), and the Floor of Things Left Behind... Holy fuck. The episode featuring this special part of the Tower was probably the emotional keystone of the series. Powerful shit. Powerful.
My main fear with SoU was that they were going to cop out on everything: reasons for characters doing what they did in the first series, plot points from the first series that were never answered then (like what the hell was in those caskets that Pazuz's group was hauling to the top), and I feared above all else that the second series would just be more of the same shit as the first series without evolving much. Worry not, freaks. It's all golden here; all that apprehension for nothin'. Yeah, it does have "floor of the week" syndrome for a few episodes, but SoU does something very different with each one, and by the time the multi-part ending rolls around you forget any shortcomings this series may have and just blow your load over its fantastic storytelling capabilities. AND THAT'S how you fucking end a fun series like this! Nobody was safe, the world and the gods' futures were at stake, and it all comes full circle with no cop-outs. Big American dance party. I wanted to climb the tower again just 2 minutes after ending it. It's just damn good.
Everything about Sword of Uruk is better than Aegis of Uruk: the quest is bigger, the stakes are larger, the characters and their personalities are solidly perfected, the drama is more dramatic, the action is tittyfuck-tastic, and the ending is spot on sublime. Oh, and get this... IT'S FUN. It's a goddamn FUN television show that knows that it's not high art, but just allows you to chill out for 12 episodes and simply enjoy yourself. Man, starting up the first episode of SoU was just like bumping into some old friends who you used to get tanked and go panty raiding with every Friday night in college, only now, after revisiting them, you realize that those old times were not only re-livable, but actually even MORE fun now that you can afford to buy tons more alcohol and hang out in high-class strip joints. Yes, the Sword of Uruk is like a goddamn high-class titty bar.
MegaPlayboy
I did it. I watched it. I be it. I AM the Tower.
My Tower of Power, it grows strong by the hour. Many young ladies it can deflower. Many experienced ho's it has devoured. Those who have tasted it claim it is sour... But I don't buy that shit, foo'!
(The Rossman here... The MegaPlayboy sucks, he just stole that awesome poem from the Wolfman. I think I'll keep it up though and just tell the Wolfman about it. It'll be more fun that way.)
Babel
Meh, it was alright.
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