Kimagure Orange Road (KOR)

The Whimsical ROSSMAN

When people think of the "classics" they think of snobbish works such as: Shakespeare, Citizen Kane, Catcher in the Rye and Deep Throat. But in the world of anime-fandom the classics are a lot more accessible and less sticky. Anime fans from the 1st and 2nd generations (i.e. from the 60s through the 80s) consider quite a few of their beloved shows to be "classics" of this particular artistic movement. These would include (but not be limited to): SDF Macross, Gatchaman, Yamato, Maison Ikkoku and of course, the perpetually stuck in the world of mid-80s fashion, Kimagure Orange Road (or KOR for short).

Kimagure is the typical story of a teenage love triangle between a boy with ESPer powers, a two-faced girl with a whimsical personality who likes to throw guitar picks at people who piss her off, and a butch little dyke with a face and a haircut that makes her look like a monkey. But there's a twist! Also involved in the mix is the coolest feline in the history of pussycats: one Kasuga Jingoro. Man, Jingoro rules.

Anyway, things start off when Kasuga Kyosuke (the boy with the ESP Power) moves to a new town with his annoying family after his clan's secret (i.e. the Power) was discovered in the last town they were in. Immediately his teenage horomones fly off the chart when he meets the ever hot Ayukawa Madoka (the capricious pick-throwing girl) at the top of the soon to be infamous 99.5 stairs near his apartment. They are so hot for eachother that they almost get it on right then and there! My GOD, the sexual tension in that scene fogged up my glasses as I merely sat in my living room just watching the horny events take place on my TV... but I digress. Anyway, the third wheel of this love induced trainwreck comes in the form of bad-girl turned annoying-bitch, Hiyama Hikaru. She's Madoka's best friend and the one who thinks she deserves Kyosuke the most because her voice can peel the paint off a graffiti-filled wall in less than two high pitched laughs.

Madoka and Kyosuke then have to keep their feelings for eachother to themselves like a couple of gay mimes stuck in glass boxes for 48 TV episodes, 8 OAVs and half of a feature length film in order to keep from hurting the simian-faced girl. Why? I have no idea. It's painfully obvious to EVERYBODY around them that Madoka and Kyo-chan have boners for eachother. Well, obvious except to the oblivious and retarded Hikaru. I mean, there were times in the series where Madoka and Kyosuke are caught virtually naked and in bed with eachother and Hikaru would change the situation around in her own mongo mind in order to remember the event as puppies and a walk through a rainbow. The only reason I can see Kyosuke keeping the dumb whore around is for her free bento lunches and after credit handjobs (and if he ain't getting anything out of her after the show ends, then he's more retarded than she is).

There are lots more secondary characters running around too, and most of them are rather well developed. Yuusake is a childhood friend of Madoka and Hikaru's who is in love with the monkey-girl and hates Kyosuke for holding all of her attention. Manami and Kurumi are Kyosuke's trouble making twin sisters with ESPer powers of their own. Kazuya, the Kasuga kids' cousin, has some mad skill Powers too, what with the mind reading and body swapping he can and does do. Then we have Hatta and Komatsu, the two pervert friends of Kyosuke who have a hankerin' for his twin sisters and whose hobbies include sniffing panties and taking pictures of their "buddy" Kyo in compromising positions. And we can't forget "Master". The master of the ABCB Coffee Shop who is only known by his position in the establishment. Even though I can't 100% prove it, I believe that Master is the anti-Christ. I'm working on a thesis about this, so unfortunately I can't reveal any of my reasonings. He is evil though, but he still isn't close to as iniquitous as the dark Lord Hikaru (who secretly pulls his strings from the background).

Now to explain the greatest thing about the entire Kimagure Orange Road storyline. That would be the movie, I Want To Return To That Day. It takes place after all the TV and OAV episodes and finishes up the love triangle and entire storyline in one heart-wrenching, soul-crushing swoop. It is glorious! IWTRTTD has no humor in it at all. All of the kookiness that takes place in the regular series is gone. What's left is the most painful and realistic break-up you will ever bear witness to in an animated (or live action, for that matter) film. You can actually feel Hikaru's mongoloid heart rip in two! Oh man is it great! Some may complain that I just spoiled the whole movie, but I didn't. It's obvious from the beginning of the TV show itself that this is how things will end up. Just sit back and enjoy it and I guarentee you a great big smile.

A few other quickie things I want to talk about before this thing rambles on even longer than I planned it to... The original manga that KOR is based on is almost a completely different experience. Kyosuke is not perverted in the least, Madoka is twice as understanding and Hikaru is twice as bitchy as her counterpart in the anime. Most of the "zany" situations that arrise in the manga happen because Kyosuke is a total lush. He gets completely blitzed in almost every single storyline! Kinda gets old after a while. We do get to know Kyosuke's lesbian cousin, Akane, a bit more than we do in the one OAV she's in. But that's no biggie. Plus the ending is as far different from the anime's ending as can possibly be without creating an alternate world where differences are magnified further by the presence of a "negative field" that lives in the spirit of everything that exists. Very different.

And finally, Kimagure Orange Road has some of the best and funniest fan-parodies ever made of an anime show. HARD KOR parts I-IV are some of the sickest and therefore best written pieces of sickness I have ever bore witness too. Thank God for that!

What did I think of Kimagure Orange Road? It is one of the greats. It is almost perfect. Almost. I give it a 99.98 out of 100.003 Points of MASTER Goodness. And don't forget, the Shin KOR novels and the Shin KOR movie never happened. You can find the novels translated online... but trust me, you really don't want to.

The Capricious MEGAPLAYBOY

Holy crap on a stick! I soooooo want to bone Madoka. That bizatch got it goin' ON! Hoo-yeah!

Kimagure Orange is like the first anime that I ever saw in which I wished that I could physically fuck a drawn girl, yo. Ironically 'nuff, it wuz also the first that made me want to pop a cap up a drawn girl's ass. Jingoro is fly and all, but Master is like the Emperor in Star Wars, holmes! He's all knowin' 'bout the bad shit that's goin' on behind the scenes and all, but he ain't tellin' NOBODY! He keeps that shiznit to hisself. Probably to use it to blackmail the bitches at a later time that has mo earnin' potential for his owwwwwn bad ass! Yeah booooooooooy!

And screw the Rossman! I liked the Shin KOR movie. The cameo by that bastard Umoa-san made it allllll worth while... Like a muthafucka!

Good times had by all, 'cept that cunt, Hikaru. Fuck that shit! That whiney hole deserves all the fuckin' hoo-dang that she done gets! Two thumbs up for KOR. Ain't no thang.

(Note from the Rossman. The Shin KOR movie didn't have that cameo of Umao-san in it like the MegaPlayboy thinks he remembers. It was the I Want To Return To That Day movie that had it. Once again proving that Shin KOR sucks.)

The Kurumi-esque JAIME

My brother, the Rossman, has made me watch numerous episodes from his large and sad anime collection over the years, and rarely have I been even slightly entertained. When I first sat down to see this Kimegurgoo Orange Show I really didn't think I'd have any kind of attachment to it. I honestly expected to spend that half hour wishing that my brother would either fall asleep or have his head explode in a Scanners-type manner so that I could make my excape. But as soon as the argument over the "99 and a half stairs" was over I was hooked.

*Sigh* Kimaboppity Orange Road reminded me so much of my own high school days. All the sneaking around from the man, throwing guitar picks at people in fights (Note from the Rossman. Jaime actually threw Ginsu knives at people in fights, not picks), tricking my old friends into thinking guys whom they liked actually liked them back, skipping class to go work in a coffee shop (Another note from the Rossman. Jaime never worked at a coffee shop, she worked at a place called the "Coughing Shack". It was a hard-kor bar and strip joint if I remember correctly), and breaking the hearts of young men left and right whenever the whimsical mood hit me. Good times.

Sure, the years have changed me and I'm now living the sweet and happy life with my Kiffy-boy, far, far removed from those petty, vintage days of my youth. Some may say it's the drugs that the court orders me to take (It's the drugs), but I know that I just needed to find my one true love in order to mellow out and enjoy counting stairs and playing with big, puffy cats. In the end I just wish that my Onii-chan was half the man that Kyosakikkime was (Somebody needs their medication right about now).