Doctor Strange
(Reviewed on 11/09/2016)
The Supreme ROSSMAN
Marvel Studios has done it again. By that I mean they have made another by-the-books, paint-by-numbers origin story wherein the first half of the movie is all about the hero being kind of a fuckup while learning to use his new powers, and the second half is about the hero fighting an enemy with his exact same abilities, and then beating him to save the world.
The thing is, Marvel consistently makes their superhero origin movies FUN, and so I don't really mind... Yet. But still, it would be nice for them to break the mold sometime soon.
Doctor Strange (starring Benedict Bumperbatch) has several things going for it that previous Marvel movies did not. Number one, and most importantly, Strange's powers aren't about being super strong and punching things. Pretty much every Marvel character in this cinematic universe so far has had the super power of being strong or a good martial artist. Instead, Strange uses magic. I like that. Number two is the fact that the visuals in this movie are trippy as all bug fuck-out. I can see this flick becoming the next stoner cult classic for its views on life, and its ability to make you feel like you're high as Mt. Everest in almost every scene in which magic is being cast.
So.... Strange.... What is it about? Well, I pretty much just spelled it out for you in the previous paragraphs. It's about a fuckup who gains super powers, then fights a bad guy (who has duplicate powers with our protagonist) in order to save the world.
I guess I could get a bit more specific and tell you that Stephen Strange is one of the BEST surgeons on the planet, but he refuses to work on anybody who he thinks there's no chance of saving just so that he has a perfect record. Well, soon his pompousness and assholicness catch up with him and he gets into a pretty horrific car wreck which destroys his hands, thereby not allowing him to do jack or shit with surgery afterwards.
Our mad doc is determined to get past this major hiccup in his career though, and on a final long-shot "Hail Mary," he goes to Kathmandu in order to find a society of sorcerers who helped an inoperable paraplegic regain the use of his legs in the past. El Doctor Strange being, well, himself (i.e. a pompous, pushy, really smart douche), he manages to worm his way into the walls of the Ancient One's sanctum, and he is then taught the ways of sorcery.
"What does that even mean?" you ask, like a high school dropout when asked what his thoughts are on the state of the European Union after Great Britain voted to leave the fold over a campaign based on lies and deceit? What it means is that soon Doctor Strange learns how to channel his chi and wave his arms around in order to make portals appear in front of him that can take him from China to New York in about 2 seconds. What it also means for him is that he's now a target for TV's Hannibal Lecter, who is apparently ALSO a sorcerer, but a nasty one who wants to bring the inter-dimensional dark lord Dormammu to Earth, and let him feast on his enemies, and hopefully (maybe) give him eternal life.
Big, trippy, Inception-like folding of cities then happens as Doctor Strange and Doctor Lecter battle with their magics, and then Strange learns how to astral project himself outside of his body, and then he earns the Level 10 Spirit Cloak which helps him fly or somesuchshit, and then the big showdown with Dormammu occurs... But it was this final act that REALLY made me appreciate the difference between Doctor Strange and the rest of Marvel's cinematic features. The way Strange defeats Dormammu (really? Is that a spoiler of ANY kind?) is perfect for his character, and so different from how Iron Man, the Hulk, Cap, or even Star Lord would have done it.
Aaaaaaaand that's all I have to say about it. Once again, to recap: fun, strange, Strange, weird, cool to look at, great to get high to, funny, different.
Oh, and Benedict Dumperbatch's American accent was totally ripped off from House, M.D. Totally.
TAMMI WITH AN "i"
Oh. Mah. Gawd. This here movie was totally MADE for me and my fam! We all lit up, got lit up, and then sat down fer two hours of world-twistin' shenanigans featurin' pretty, glowy magic and buildings and streets flippin' and floppin' up an' down, over an' under for two hours! It was like being on a super-extended rollercoaster ride!
On that note, Ah would totally recommend to any newbies out there to NOT get smokin' before you go to Six Flags or anythin'. Pot-barf is real, an' it's not somethin' you evah want to experience first hand.
Mah second cousin, Marybell Lorde Billyjean once ate herself a full baker's dozen of pot brownies and then rode the Screamin' Eagle for 5 straight hours because she was a bit on the hefty side and got stuck in the seat, an' by the end of the day, every time that coaster hit that first hill she'd just start spewin' like that little girl in that Catholic church documentary about that exorcist fella'. Oh, the people behind her were pissed, and smelled like week-old cat shit and vinegar when they got off. But eventually Marybell Lorde Billyjean got enough vomit on herself that she lubricated the seat enough to finally squeak free. Unfortunately she did this at the top of the second hill on the 'coaster, and when she came loose she rolled over everyone behind her and then fell 50 feet into the lagoon below the tracks.
.....What was mah point again?
DOCTOR DAVE
I have only come here to say one thing: This man is NO doctor!
........
.............
Okay, maybe two things. Yes, he started OUT as a Doctor of medicine, but to turn his back on his practicing art and instead focus on magic? Poppycock!... No, I'm not saying that magic doesn't exist or anything that insane (I've seen unicorns and the fae while being sober...) That would be blasphemous! I'm just saying that anyone who is so quick and willing to abandon actual science for sorcery was never a REAL doctor to begin with.
Now, who hasn't dissected an elf or a hobbit in their spare time? Yes, they are indeed magical creatures, but by using SCIENCE to deconstruct them I am using rationality to destroy the fanciful. Do you see the difference?
Now if I were to actually eat 4,000 strands of unicorn tail hair, or have intercourse with a gay youkai, and then use the magical powers that those acts give to the ingestor, then I would be guilty of forsaking my craft as well, but by USING my craft to understand the mystical, I rise above it! I do not become part of that devil's work!
Once again, this Mister Strange is NO doctor!
Or return to the Rossman Main Page
Got something to say? Got a difference of opinion? Just wanna be a jerk?
Do not copy any of it or I will come over there and rip off your sack and feed it to your dog.