 |
 Online Edition
of the 
 FAQs
about the Rossman: A: I am the
One and Oni Rossman and I'm a graduate
student at the glorious University of Georgia. I do my
civic duty day in and day out by providing help for all of the
little people that come to me to have their questions answered
about why we are here, why the universe is so huge, and why I'm
so dang smart. I believe that I have come to a conclusion to
all of these enigmas: Just because. 2) Q: How can I learn to "live right" like the slogan to the Chronicle says? A: First of all, you must attend UGA for atleast a year. That doesn't mean going to classes or studying for your degree. It does mean going to every available party, going downtown every night, and waking up in strange apartments every morning. This is the only way to "live right"! Why do you think I went back to school? For my Masters Degree?  3) Q: How do you account for your amazing charisma? A: It just fell upon me like a ton of bricks. Not a day has gone by that I don't thank the Lord that it did! 4) Q: What is your favorite color? A: Green. Q: Hey! I thought you said it was "blue" before! A: Uh, you must have heard me incorrectly. I swear that I only said "green". 5) Q: What kind of things do you like? A: I like the Dawgs, 6'1" Scottish redhead girls (trust me, there is a difference), Comedy from Great Britain, Pizza Pizza commercials, Red baseball caps, Action movies from Hong Kong (well, the old Hong Kong), green public phones, Samuel L. Bronkowitz movies (the guy's got a great eye for visuals!), classic rock, Animation from Japan, Nice people who do nice things just to do nice things, and Drama with Gong Li in it. 6) Q: Wow! Well, what kind of things do you dislike? A: Talk shows, Bad TV movies (redundant), Vegetarians (Eat some meat, people! That's why God made slaughter houses!), People who don't know how to work the remote control, Talk show hosts, the TGIF line up on any station, Cheap animation, Cheap people, Gators, Roaches, Yellow Jackets, Bad dubbing (unless it's Godzilla or Voltron), Public restrooms (Why can't people lift the stupid seat?!?! Or atleast aim for the water?!?!), and people with 'tudes (So BACK OFF!!). 7) Q: OK. Do you have any friends? A: Of course! I've got tons of them. However, only a few go to UGA with me. Most have already graduated their respective institutions of higher education and have already moved on to the job market (getting the shaft big time, I might add, proving that only in Athens, GA is one safe, and truly "living right").
Q: Oh yeah, well I bet my Dad can beat up your Dad! A: Guess again, Bucko. This is a picture of my Dad holding his trophy for Third Place that he just got in a benchpress competition.  Q: Oh, uh, do you think he might let me ride in that car sometime? A: He might let you look at it ..... if you tell him he looks like he's 35 in this picture. 8) Q: So, what is your goal for the future? A: Q: Hmmmmmmmmm. Well, how many baby seals have you clubbed over the course of the past year? A: 53. 9) Q: What are some of your favorite foods? A: So many to choose from! Let's see: Rare T-bones, Little Debbie Oatmeal Cakes, Rice Krispie Treats (you learn to live on good stuff like this on a five dollar a week food budget), Mushroom and Pepperoni Pizza, Thick and juicy burgers with everything, cake (any flavor, any icing), and Jen's cookies (when she Fed Ex's them to me!). 10) Q: What's your favorite rock group? A: There can be no other! Aerosmith is the epitome of good, no, GREAT music!!!!!! There can be only one 'Great', and Aerosmith be thy name! And as for favorite "Singer" of all time, that honour would have to go to the Angel of Music herself, Sarah Brightman^_^!  11) Q: What's you favorite song of all time? A: Well, I believe that any song by Aerosmith or Ms. Brightman beats out any other song ever recorded. Q: Oooooookay. Well, can you pick a runner up song, by another artist or group? A: Sure. Either Don Mclean's American Pie, or Blue Oyster Cult's Don't Fear the Reaper. Both kick ass (atleast as good as could be expected from a non-Aerosmith band). You can also hear all my favorite muzak on Atlanta's best radio station 96Rock (listen to them online to prove it to yourself!). 12) Q: What are your favorite TV series? A: Cheers (all time best), Night Court (second best), Seinfeld, the Simpsons, Sledge Hammer, and Highlander (the runners up). 13) Q: Are you wearing any pants? A: You mean right now? Pass. Next question. 14) Q: Coke or Pepsi? A: Coke. What's a "pepsi"? 15) Q: Which do you prefer: Tape or Glue? A: Hmmmmm. I'm a glue-guy, I guess. 16) Q: Wait a minute! I have to know! Is your friend, Chi-Chi, dead or something? Last I saw he drank all those Ice Houses and passed out in his own vomit. What's up with that? A: Chi-Chi got better a little while after that whole Ice House incident in which he cleaned out my weekend "slosh supply".... But then I restocked and he came back over, quite instinctively actually (reminded me of those salmon who just seem to know when and where they need to spawn).  17) Q: Why is the Rossman Chronicle going to continue onto another page? A: Because it has gotten so mind boggling HUGE, it would take an eternity to download if it were only on one page. Dumb ass.  Lucas, pull your head out!
 Why not get all dolled up and check out page 2? |
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