The Rossman has a favorite saying. He likes to shout
"Hey Marty! Lick my nutz!" as loud as he can when somebody
pisses him off. This all goes back to Baltimore, MD over the
4th of July weekend in 1999. The MegaPlayboy, the Rossman and
I were in town for a convention. It was early in the morning
on Saturday the 3rd and we were in line to check out the USS
Constellation which was docked in the harbor right next to our
hotel. It was muggy as fuck and we just stood there waiting and
waiting for the damn boat to open.
This is actually a looooong story, so let's
cut through the crappola. We found out that 3 buildings were
gunna get knocked down at 10AM and we only had a few minutes
to try and see it. We ran like Carl breaking wind and raced through
the city (running from 9:53AM till about 10:12AM) and through
some very scary neighborhoods [NOTE from the Rossman: actually,
most of Baltimore is a scary neighborhood]. We eventually
found our way to a 7 story parking deck and
climbed it to the top where we found a solitary drunk construction
worker (known by the honorable name of "Gus") who was
missing a few fingers. He informed us that we missed the big
implosion by a good 10 minutes. We were pissed, but he still
had 3 cans of Bud left from his 12 pack that he shared with us.
That was cool.
Anyway, we learned all about the "City
wide air conditioning system" Gus was working on (it apparently
pumped air through massive turbines that fed into the sewers
or something... didn't quite understand it), and he told us about
how much he hated "those fuckers who knock shit down."
He said, "Takes us 2 years to build the damn thing... *Urp*...
and it only takes the fuck-heads 10 seconds to tear it to rubble."
Actually he really just mumbled it. And it was hard to understand.
So, after we listened to Gus' words of
wisdom we got up to leave, but there was still a lone helicopter
circling our parking deck taking pictures of the cloud of smoke
still seen in the distance. Gus looked up at the copter, mumbled
to himself, "Channel 13, feh!" and then raised his
hand with the most fingers on it towards the heavens (and the
"Channel 13" insignia on the flying machine), extended
his middle finger while his other hand grabbed his crotch and
shouted "Hey, Marty!
Lick my nuts!!!!" He then
turned to us and said, "Okay lez go". Gus is da man!