After
we rode the kick-ass dragons a few dozen times (there was nobody
in the park, and we found a shortcut to the front of the line
right after you exit the coaster), we thought it would be best
to walk around a bit before our next attraction. Plus one of
us (no names!) threw up on the last Dueling Dragons trip and
it came right back to hit him in the face and rugged ninja shirt.
The only cool thing about the incident was that for a second
or two it actually looked like the plastic dragon masthead at
the front of the cart was spewing some sort of disgusting, but
wonderful, chunky-fire.
Soooooooo, after a quick rinse, Team Greenwood was on the
fast track to the Demented Dr. Suess Island of the Grotesque
and Darkened Souls. Seriously... It freaked me out a bit. The
good doctor's fucked up illustrations were never meant to be
seen in a real life 3D setting. That Cat in the Hat ride convinced
me that I was "Thing Three" for a few minutes of noticeable
unclarity. It took a double smacking from both Matt^2 and PW
to jolt me back to my semi-normality. Then we had to go on that
godforsaken merry-go-round with all those lorax and sneetches
and hunches and herpes and gonoreabaloos!! That was the worst
that I had ever tripped without taking anything stronger than
a few shots of Nightquil.
Dr. Suess World was all I could handle at that point. Things
were getting a bit too hairy for me in the Islands of Adventure,
so the crew packed up, pulled Mehve out of the dumpster he was
diving into behind the Dr. Suess Circus Stampede of Sillyness
Cafe, and we took a little breather by heading to the park next
door: the Indomitable Universal Studios Movie Park!
I think that it was right
after I had tripped that little girl, punched that baby in the
face, and gave that cute little midget that monster-noogie that
Wolverine (of the X-Men) approached me. At first he was acting
all high and mighty and he tried to bully me around for my so-called
"crimes" I had just perpetrated (fyi, that little bitch
deserved to get tripped and thrown into the grey water beneath
the Hulk roller coaster, that baby wouldn't stop "goo gooing"
and "ga ga-ing" while I was trying to check out his
mom's cleavage, and that midget actually asked me to give
him a noogie... he just started griping when I wouldn't stop
urinating in his ear).
At first I tried
to ignore the berserker canook, but he wouldn't shut the hell
up about his "unbreakable Adam Westian bones" and his
"razor sharp Lee Press-On Nails" so I had to knock
him down a few pegs. Using my patented Rossman really smart memory
powers, I laid out a cunning plan. I called Psycho Weasel over
to us and kicked him in the intestines with just enough power
that it caused him to rupture his spleen (or something just as
hideous) and spill a cloud of toxicity from his bum so incredibly
putrid that Wolverine's "animal senses" began shutting
down faster than you could say "Who blew up the sewage treatment
plant?" Not even the hairy Canadian's often bragged about
"healing factor" could save his olfactory senses from
committing seppuku that day. As a souvenir I stole his mask and
his athletic cup. That last thing might come in handy if I ever
have to face Dr. Doom again (he likes to go for the "orbs
and scepter" during fights). |
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