Code Name: Bob From the Future
File Name: Robert Chen Kenichi
Primary Team Rossman Specialty: Time traveling friend who helps guide me on my quest to do whatever I feel like doing each week.
Goal in Life: To not be killed by robots.

 

 

Here we can see Bob from the Future with the mechanical menace, Robot Pedro. From this picture you might get the idea that they're really good friends, but it turns out that Robot Pedro doesn't like Bob too much. Robot Pedro was only giving the "thumbs up" to throw his human captor off guard so that he could nab his photon pulse handgun...

Bob from the Future is pretty cool. He's from the future and he knows how to build the sweetest futuristic, electronic stuff I've ever seen. He just appeared out of thin air one day and warned me of great harm that was to befall me. He said that he wasn't exactly sure what that "great harm" would be or when it would occur but that it was imminent and was most assuredly heinous.

So, in order to protect me (he said that I am responsible for blowing up and "utterly vanquishing" the evil Regis Philbin Regime that attempts to take over the post nuclear-winter world of the future or something) he brought back in time with him a guardian Robot: Robot Pedro. The only problem is that Robot Pedro doesn't really like to guard or even help people in general. But other than that it was a good plan.

And do this with it. But don't worry, for although it looks like this may be the end of Bob from the Future, he gets better. Doctors in the future repair this kind of mutilation by rogue robots all the time. Although with all the criss crossing of time and space that Bob ends up doing this could very well have been the last time he saw me. But not the last time I saw him, if you understand me. Ironically enough Robot Pedro, the being that he brought here to protect me, could have caused his own (and eventually my own) undoing!

My whole friendship with Bob from the Future is really weird. The first time that I met him was not his first meeting with me. The 25th time that he traveled to the past (to warn me of the flesh-eating butterflies I was supposed to soon create, with Dr. Dave's help, that would escape and eat half of Alabama) he made mention that it was "an honor and a privilege to finally meet" me. This made me think about time travel and how it's all screwed up well beyond what you may have seen in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and the Back to the Future trilogy.

As for the "butterflies eating Alabama" thing, well, it was extremely tempting, but in the end I had to cancel that little genetic experiment. It seems that that one situation would lead to a snowball effect of horror and madness in which the only outcome would be Cher in the White House in 2024. Imagine having to wake up to the new national anthem (Cher's own Believe) every morning on the nation-wide loudspeakers plugged in to everyone's nightstand. I truly am the savior of mankind. Fuck John Connor.

The 10th time that Bob from the Future came back to the past to see how I was doing I made use of his futuristic mad hacker skillz and had him alter Nicole Kidman's cell phone address book. I made Bob change all of the addresses and phone numbers listed into mine. I just love hearing her accented and confused voice on the other end of the phone when she thinks that she's calling her mum or her astrologer. It's what gets me going in the morning.

I had Bob from the Future do the same thing to Angelina Jolie's cell phone as well, but she caught on pretty quickly and sent Brad Pitt over to kick my ass. Luckily Robot Pedro answered the door and skinned the poor bastard alive. So whenever you see pictures of Brad boinkin' Angie in the Inquirer... That's me in a Brad-skinned suit, baby!

One thing that really makes Bob from the Future stick out in a crowd is his "uniform." He claims that he's a "First Class Corporal Chef of Iron in the Army of the Rossman" in the distant future. He told me that humanity had to pick up the pieces of civilization and carefully glue them back together after the 4th Iron Savior War of Gamma Ray. Well, apparently some pieces were missing or vaporized and the future-people had to make up some parts by using forgotten techniques of greatness from years gone by. One of the greatest historical figures that they came across at that time was Chairman Kaga. So they forged a new society based on Kaga's dream of a "world of Iron Chefs." The holographic pictures I've seen of this future-world make me believe that this utopia is the greatest thing that mankind could ever hope to achieve!! Imagine, being able to ask anybody on the street to make a 5 course meal in under an hour using monkey tails as the theme ingredient! I wish that I could live there... If only I weren't so needed in the here and now.

Bob from the Future Quote: "I'm here to protect and serve, but no, sorry, that doesn't include time warping a naked Cleopatra to have carnal relations with you for the weekend."
 

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