Rossman Reviews and Ratings
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Take 2 and call me in the morning

Most romantic comedies suck. This goes beyond the general "90% Rule" (which states that 90% of everything is crap). This is just movie law. Comedies whose plots revolve around a single relationship always suck because only chicks care about things like "will the boy in the movie remember the girl's birthday and forsake his stupid friends so that she can have a lifetime to torment him for his fucking retarded decision to stop hanging out with his buddies (who actually like him for who he is) and marry her?" Comedies should be funny, and relationships NEVER are... Well, at least they aren't in American romantic comedies, but there are now two romcoms that I have seen in my life that I would watch again and again, out of my own volition, without hoping to get some poon tang for sacrificing my time in their viewings. The first is the Frenchly pleasing Amelie, and the second is of course the South Korean masterpiece My Sassy Girl.

Yes, yes, I fucking know... That title is pretty gay. The title by itself almost kept me from even giving this incredibly lively and laughable flick a chance when I first came across it back in 2003. But I did, and I instantly fell in love with the lead character, as played by Jun Ji-hyun. Yes, I fucking KNOW! I fell in love with a fictional character... Again. I have got to stop doing that or it will seriously fuck me over some day. First Rogue from the Claremont-era X-Men, then Ayukawa Madoka from KOR, and now Ji-hyun's Sassy Girl (the audience never does learn her character's real name). If you care about me, please send me donations so that I can seek professional help: either with a professional hooker or a professional pr0n site that only shows pictures of REAL women. PLEASE.

Okay, so I've talked it up some, but now you want to know what My Sassy Girl is all about -- and I am here to inform you. MSG is all about this everyday slacker guy named Gyeoon-woo. He's a fairly intelligent college kid but he doesn't study much and he's got lousy grades, no ambitions, no dreams, and no girlfriend -- just like YOU I'm guessing (which is why you'll love this movie... But I digress). His friends are even bigger losers than he is, and his mom beats him up regularly whenever he stumbles home after staying out the whole night, or whenever he fails a subject (which is often). But one day Gyeoon-woo has a run in with a drunk, bossy, in-your-face cutie-pie on the train ride home, and is mistaken for her boyfriend after she pukes all over some old man's head and calls Gyeoon-woo "honey" just before passing out. He's of course forced to clean up her mess and take care of her or bare the wrath of the rest of the disgusted commuters, though he almost just dumps her on a bench at the next train stop -- but our protagonist is way too nice a guy, and he instead... Well, and then some really funny shit happens as the boy and sassy girl start their bizarre, and somewhat sadistic (well, SHE'S sadistic, and since he takes it all I guess he's masochistic himself) relationship.

That's all I want to spoon feed you about this movie. If I go into any more detail about the plot or about specific jokes I would simply be doing a disservice to you. Reading about the silly and funny-fucking-larious crap that both the Sassy Girl and Gyeoon-woo get themselves into is absolutely nothing compared to seeing the adorable Jun Ji-hyun act them out with your own eyes. Jun does her very best to make Gyeoon-woo's life a living Hell, but she's just so goddamn cute and lovable while doing it that you totally forgive her for all her actions. The script, the director and the actors pull off the seemingly impossible here: they make the overbearing female lead in a romcom LIKEABLE. If the Sassy Girl was played by any other person other than Jun Ji-hyun this movie would have FAILED. Utterly and completely. You would HATE this bitch for ruining this guy's life. It's only due to Jun's subtle smile and ability to switch (and emote) emotions and thought patterns in the blink of an epicanthicly folded eye that this movie is so perfect!

Seeming as proof to my statement above (about no other actress being able to pull off a part like this without making the audience hate her, yet still making the part believable), Hollywood is releasing an "Americanized" My Sassy Girl sometime in the near future. WHY?!? The original doesn't have obscure Eastern religions or lifestyle practices that would make Western audiences scratch their heads in confusion and red-neck disbelief. Seoul, South Korea (the background of the flick) is so fucking Western already, if it weren't for everybody being Asian in it it might pass for New York City... Okay, too far, but I refuse to believe that fucktards in Hollywood feel that they need to redo something as obviously perfect as this movie. According to many movie sites, My Sassy Girl was such a huge box office hit in Korea, China, Japan, and all of Asia, that it was drawing massive comparisons to Titanic... But no, Hollywood execs know better. After all, Jun Ji-hyun's previous work to MSG (IL Mare, another big Eastern hit) was SOOOOOOO much better after Hollywood cast Keanu Reeves in it and called it The Lakehouse (sarcasm detector overloading).

So instead of releasing the already proven hit of the South Korean My Sassy Girl in the US, they're remaking it with Elisha Cuthbert as the Sassy Girl in question... No. Cuthbert's good at looking hot, but all her version of this story is going to be is "the bitch who treats the protagonist like crap and makes the audience want to stone her like a diseased Iranian whore." She will NOT be able to make the Sassy Girl anything more than just a bitchy cunt. Plus, another reason why this will not work as an American movie is that the audience will find the leading man to be a complete loser for putting up with all the abuse and shit that the Sassy Girl puts him through. Whereas it's fine to see some Korean guy getting completely pussy-whipped like the character of Gyeoon-woo. If a Korean or a Japanese guy in a Korean or Japanese movie gets bullied around by a cute, waif-like chick, and is indecisive and wimpy, it's FUNNY. If an American guy suffers through and tolerates all of the Sassy's verbal (and physical) beat-downs he's a sad sack of shit (no matter how hot the girl is). ALL Asian men are sad sacks of shit though, as they're ALL bossed around by their women. That's just science, and it's humorous.

Anyway, what did I think of the South Korean Komedy My Sassy Girl? I find that I have to give it two enormous and plump thumbs up. It's sasstastic! There are so many hilarious moments, and I just want to bone Jun Ji-hyun. I would give my left nut for that chance.

The Classy JAIME

This was like the cutest movie I've ever seen! Yeah, the leading man was kind of goofy, and the woman was totally overbearing, but they totally made it work for them.

Plus I just absolutely adored how they met, it was just like how Kiff and I met! I drank too much and puked on a guy and then Kiff got involved when I grabbed his package as he was standing next to me just before I passed out. And their courtship was just like Kiff's and mine too! I like to go out drinking, dancing, telling strangers off for doing things that I don't like, and making Kiff do EXACTLY what I tell him to do. Truthfully, if I didn't know any better I'd suspect that they followed us around for a while in order to write the script -- after all, the sky is blue because I want it that way. It's blue for ME! And Kiff knows it!

I love watching movies where the woman is the boss! It's so true!

The Balls-of-Brassy CHI-CHI

When the hell did THIS happen? When did the Rossman turn into a woman? He's recommending this chick flick... and he's not getting any action out of it? Ooooooh man. This is a dark day for the Chi-Chi.

Rate this thing? What the hell? I'm not gonna watch it to rate it. Oh well, why not. I give this Sassafras Girl movie two vaginas down. And not even "down on my cock." Just down. And those vaginas are diseased too. Ugh. Christ on the crapper....