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Oil for food?... That equals scandal.... Oil for strippers?... Sextacular! |
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Yeah, but what a drag when they accidentally lube up the pole and then slip off it like a wounded badger. It sucks the sexiness out of the air. |
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And and and when they sit on your lap and get it all greasy, and then you go home, and your wife's all like, "WTF?! Stripper oil?!?! You rotten bastard! I'll cut your fucking dick off, cheater!!!!" |
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But you don't HAVE a wife, Angel-soft. And last time I looked in the locker room you were packin' a pretty impressive piece, if you don't mind me sayin' so. |
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I'm flattered, but I'm talking about (throws thumb over shoulder and coughs) |
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Hey, guys, what's going on? Are we talking about puppy pr0n today? When are we gonna talk about furries and shit? Huh? |
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......................................................................... |
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Sweet sweet Jeezus.... Well, this does explain a helluva lot. Waitaminute! You said that fagalicious was married?! |
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You didn't know? Yeah. It was a big scandal in Hyrule a while back. The princess was all like, "Oh Linky-poo! You saved my firm, round ass from that evil piggy, Ganon, so now you get to marry me!" But the elf was all like, "Ummmm, about that... Sorry, honeycakes, but, errrrrr, something came up.... Meet the missus." And everybody in town was left speechless. It was just... I couldn't believe it! |
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... I still don't buy this. Who the hell would marry that fucker?
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Oh shit! I think she heard you! She's coming this way! Druggle, be on your BEST behavior! Trust me! |
What what what?! Was somebody talking about my snuggle-thumper behind my curvacious back?! |
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........................................................ |
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Where's my muffin-humper?! Stinky-Linkyyyyyyy! Where are you, Pooh-Bear? Momma needs some ACTION! |
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*Ahem* Tonight I will be playing the part of, um, "Muffin-Humper." Let's gittiton! |
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Oh... Um, hi there, schmoopy-poopy. Do you want me to put the leash and cock-blocker (tm) on now? |
Oh, you siwwy widdle pop-tart! YOU WILL DO AS I SAY AND BLOCK YOUR COCK WITH A SMIIIIIIIILE ON YOUR FACE IF I SO COMMAND IT! |
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!!! |
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Whoa! That's tough love there. |
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Yes, dear. I... I love you d-d-dear... |
You bet your scrawny little pissant ass you do! Wh-wait a minute! What is this stuffed up your hat?!?! |
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*GASP!* |
Are you smuggling smut mags into our happy home again?!?!.... Bring me the whip. |
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The Spice Channel's got nothing on this crap! |
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I heard one time that she stuck a swizzle straw up his pee hole and made him drink two gallons of iced tea while standing above her. |
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Now you see, Golden Showers are okay and all, but it's the Cleveland Steamers that really test the relationship. |
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Whoa! Check that out! Who'd have thought that you could get a grapefruit up there? What a waste of a perfectly good grapefruit. |
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*Huff Huff* Guys... Whatever you do, please don't tell Zelda about this... I-I think I still have a chance with her... Once I wash this mung off me. |
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Oh yeah, about that, she's been on the camera phone over there in the corner for the last half hour just waiting for you to show up. |
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..............Oh My Gawd... And I let that Pulp Fiction reject touch my royal ta-tas last week for five bucks!.... I need a shower. |
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...........................Me too.... |
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Uh, me three. Hey, Link's dirty dirty wife! I'm better than a shower head with massage settings! |
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I'll work the camera if I can try out my Donkey Punch and my
Bismarck
manuevers on her after you're done, Angel-eyes. |
*blink*