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Events 17 - 20: Time it right my Oni Princess!


Events 17 - 20

"Time It Right!"

Characters' names in BOLD are those that appear for the first time. Go to the Characters Page to read more about them.

Event 17 ("On the Verge of Falling! The Time When Ambition Collapses!")  

Nab transforms into a huge furry dragon and flies everyone up to the Goddesses' Diseased Whore Island in the Sky (well, the vamps fly themselves)... and the final battle (of 0917) begins!

As soon as the dilators land, they are besieged by the Goddesses' faithful warriors, the Ken-Ken Clan! But after Guy sneezes and kills them all they proceed into the Tower of Power itself. The 3 Goddesses, Asbestos and the Beast Triplets are all starting to look a little nervous, but then Skull remembers their secret weapon, the Bastardd! They send Asbestos to find him and order him to destroy the intruders, but when she does find the horny little dude he's too busy humping a magical tree like a squirrel on viagra to give a damn. Asbestos soon forgets her mission and just watches him (she offers to be his dark elf bee-yatch too).

Soon the mortals and vampyres enter the inner sanctum of the Tower which houses the seal. While confronting the six magical chickies, Guy notices that the Egg Girl is walking around aimlessly outside, so he goes to see just what the f*ck is going on. He pushes her off the flying island and cracks open the egg himself only to find a bunch of lame metaphores and crap. He feels gypped but goes back inside to finish the fight.

This is probably gunna scar this kid more than finding out that Santa killed the Easter Bunny!
The Egg Girl landed right infront of this kid and went *SPLAT*. I hope his mom has Clorox with liquid color-safe bleach.

It is now that Surd, Skull and Sugardaddy tell Tsukino the truth about herself! She is in fact the MegaGoddess Tsukino Usagi! The REAL Creator/Destroyer Entity. They trapped her in her mortal body years ago so that nobody would interfere with their mass extinction of vampyres to open the Golden Land and basically destroy this one. And only the blood of a thousand by her own hand could free her from her human prison!

It is then that Tsukino reveals that she sleepwalks and kills in her unconscious state, and that she is in fact the Tsuki-maniac who already has 999 lives to her name. She then turns around and kills Larvy and Yumi (for good measure) and is freed! Her power is incredible as winds howl and lightning crashes all around them!! But then the 3 Goddesses slap Tsukino Usagi down and step on her with a giant shoe. They tell the remaining vamps and humans that she may have been the real Goddess, but she was still just a pathetic choad.

Exit light indeed.  Enter THIS night, Tsuki dear.
Tsuki fall down go *SQUASH!!*

Then the battle royal begins! Master Chu-Chu starts throwing some of her projectiles, the dieties start chucking fire balls and lots of people run for cover. Soon only one Vamp remains. It's Paul. Everybody realizes this at the same time but Skull reacts quickest. She stakes him through the heart with an arrow of light and then hits him with a magic sword until he gets back up. She repeats this attack until he is no more. Then the Gate to the World of Darkness swings open!

Kyran now has enough energy to transport everybody with the correct time dilation coordinates. And just as they are beginning to time-fold, the blast of their departure sends the Goddesses and Triplets shooting into the darkness and they all blow up in a fiery and hellish explosion of pain and suffering due to their godliness merging with pure blackness (what a way to get a point across, neh?)!!! Then the Gate shuts and the dilators (with a few tag-alongs) are history (literally).

2015 Tomobikyo, Japan (September 11, Friday) 9:02:45 a.m.

A huge gang fight is about to begin right in front of the town's High School. Two gangs, Kadoma the Drumstick and Kriss the Priss are the leaders of the warring factions. Kriss shouts out that she still refuses to call Kadoma "The most beautiful girl in the world!" (as most of the town has already done) or join her band! Kadoma won't have it, and she orders the attack! Chink Li and Hibiki seek eachother out in the middle of the chaos and begin to tussle (with Hibiki throwing toilets, bikes and cars at her rival)! The tiny Miki Moto gets all sliced up like beef jerky and the world goes mad!

But just when it looks like everybody is just gunna kill everybody else, the sky once again rips open and the Time Dilators spill to the ground and stop the fight. Hickory looks into her tarot cards and *GASP* forsees doom!!!!

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Event 18 ("Secret Ambition! Shocking Confession?")

Right off the bat we get some glorious violence! Minivan hacks up Hickory like a starving and rabid wolf would a cute cuddly wuddly baby bunny (because he's so damn supersticious and hates when people prophecy the end of the world [but mostly 'cause she looks like his ex-girlfriend who left him for that tall blonde guy back in 0917]).

Whoa!  Do NOT farge with the Minivan with the longsword!!  GunDAMN!!
-"You said you loved me, you diseased whore!!! Well, how do you love this?!?!?"
-"AaaaiiiiiiiiEEEEEEEEE! I forsee DOOOOOOM!"

The fighting stops and all the gang members scatter like roaches in the kitchen when the lights come on! As Minivan wipes his sword clean of all the brain-matter and hair left on it, Willy the custodian walks up to him and gives him some words of wisdom about the Shinning. He cautions him to never underestimate it.

As the gals in the gangs are bolting, Supreme Commander Jingy sees Kadoma and instantly falls in love with her. His secret romance of the past is forgotten and he instantly begins living for her and her alone. He chases after her and refuses to leave her side. What a sap. Anyway, the Campus Guardian jumps into the middle of the remaining people at the fight ground (i.e. all the time dilators) and procedes to beat the living tar out of them. Willy stops her and explains that they already broke up the fight and that they're time travellers from the future who're looking for a few of their own people that might be lost in this time period (well, that's what I'm guessing he says as eet's harrrrrd ti oonderrrrstahnd 'im win ee tallks). The Guardian says that she understands and can take the travellers to her half brother, the Town Hunter. She says that he's the best there is at what he does.

Kyran is happy and starts to breath a little easier in thinking that they might have found Yurethra, Tyler and Zero in only their second Time Dilation. She goes to check her nuclear dilation packs to see if they time-leaped to the right era, when she notices that one of the two is missing (she's embarrassed that she may have lost it in a primitive world, but she doesn't want to tell anyone for fear of looking like a dumbass [like that's a problem anymore]).

Inside Town Hunter's pad, the ESDF dilators are showing the P.I. hologram photos of the missing people (the Oni and Angel travellers are out doin' the town). Just then, Dic Gonad (Town Hunter's runt assistant) starts complaining about "the poison" that he was forced to swallow, and drops dead while melting into a pile of "goo". Town Hunter makes a comment that he guesses that the little squirt wasn't lying afterall, and then he continues with the business at hand while the Guardian mops the mess up. It's decided that T.H. will take the case, but he needs some hot lovin first, so he runs out to the red light district for a little mokori first (red light district = "all of Tokyo and its outlying suburbs").

Meanwhile, at Tomobikyo Hish School, Professor Genma greets his spooky assistant Nurse Rei at the door to his secret lab (which really isn't so secret as half the school walks by and wishes him a good morning). He asks her if everything is going according to plan and then laughs maniacally for 3 minutes before she answers "No, not really. The gerbil got away and Mr. Gere is pretty angry." Genma then grumbles and enters the laboratory while cursing his assistant and that damn, useless Science Ninja Club under his breath.

Meanwhile, meanwhile, the Angels and Oni are trashing Tomobiki with the help of some 2015 humans just for fun. Hell, I'd do that too if I were them. That'd be a frickin' blast!

Everybody have fun tonight!!  Everybody Wang Chung tonight...
Here, the "Anti-Gojira Tanks" are called out and Prako and Flutey make them blow'd up good!

Then we head back to Tomobikyo H.S. where it's final period and Kadoma and Kriss (along with most of both of their gangs [I mean holy crap! I'd say that about 98.5% of Tomobikyo H.S. is nothing but cute females 0_o]) are sitting quietly while giving eachother the evil eye. Sensei Kisschris is handing out a test to the students that has just one question ("How many shots of Tequilla does it take to get her fitshaced?... And meet her in the 'Training Room' at midnight for Extra Credit.... Wear something edible.").

Oh yeah, Lemonade sleeps with most of the guy cast during the course of this episode and Ushiko and Umao popped up in Hickory's chrystal ball right after she gets grated like cheese in the first 10 seconds.

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Event 19 ("Ancient Compact! The Person Searching for Immortality!")

It is Saturday the 12th of September, 2015. Professor Genma is working in his "secret" lab early in the morning when he's interrupted by Town Hunter. TH questions Genma about the missing Zero and the big G starts getting real defensive. Town Hunter starts to think that he might be on to something when Nurse Rei walks in and seduces him into the sack to get him to stop questioning the freakish professor. He complies.

Meanwhile, in the hallways of the school (Yup, school 7 days a week in Japan in 2015. Government officials in the future thought that the best way to get their kids to stop watching and emulating those "damn American beach-boogie films" was to kill them with homework... What a world...), Jinny Makoto tries to grab Kadoma's ass for a quick perverted feel-up. She in turn has Chink Li rip him a new one. While he's lying on the ground in a pile of his own blood and vomit, he is ordered to go to the Judger to await sentencing for chipping the floor tiles with his teeth and destroying school property. The Judger then orders him to death and has him fed to the Dinobots!

In shock over the death of her brother/lover, Lemonade goes ahead and sleeps with everybody else that she didn't sleep with in the last episode.

"Don't make me laugh when I'm drinking Strawberry Quik dammit!!"
Jambon trying to explain his experiences with Lemonade to Mari Model 5 .

Out in front of the school grounds during the lunchbreak (which is apparently 4 hours long), a huge stage is being constructed for the First Annual Tomobikyo Battle of the Bands. Both Kadoma and Kriss plan to settle their rivalry once and for all by competing against eachother in a war of muzak! Since the rest of the school bands suck, it has to be either Kadoma's or Kriss' band that wins. They make a bet with eachother. If Kadoma wins, Kriss will have to bow down and forcibly (if necessary) form a sempai crush on Kadoma. If Kriss wins, Kadoma will have to stop trying to force Kriss into adoring her. Chicks, man -_-. I'll never understand 'em.

So, the bands begin playing starting with the sh*t ones. The crowd in front of the stage is pretty bored through out the first few groups. But then Kriss and the Holograms take the spotlight and the crowd goes wild! They play two incredibly rockin' songs that get the entire student body into the groove of things and a few start moshing in the middle of it all! Everybody's having a blast! It looks for sure like Kriss will take the honors, but Kadoma isn't fretting at all :). She and her group, The Powah! start to play and there's nothing but silence! The crowd takes a few minutes to react since the glorious notes and melodies emanating from Kadoma's sax and the rest of the band is so cut-ass rugged!! Then all at once they cheer and start slam dancing all over the campus (Even Jingy!)!

During all of this, Kenny Murasema is investigating the school building (while it's empty) looking for clues of his own into the missing Zero, Yurethra and Tyler. When all of a sudden he stops and gets a massive vision of deja vu! Everything about the school building near Professor Genma's "secret" lab is somehow familiar to him. Then he sneaks inside for a closer look and some meaning to his sensation. While he shines his flashlight around the pitch black room he freezes with a horrorstruck look on his face! Right in front of him is a human sized test tube with a human inside of it! Kenny finds himself face to face with himself!!! He walks out of the room with a satisfied look on his puss and simply states "Kooky."

Outside it's starting to get dark as Kadoma finishes up her last song. The crowd is nuttily insane!! They want more!! Kadoma looks over to the Judger (who's the official judge of the contest) and is rewarded with a higher score than Kriss (by .002 of a point)! Kadoma just laughs and tells her rival to get on her knees. But before she grudgingly can, the lights on the stage kick on again and Aerosmith welcomes everybody to the show (it seems that the Gods of Rock saw all the lights and heard the bands and thought that it was Nippon Woodstock 2015)! Then they rock! They rock harder than EVER before!!!! They blow up some of the spectators they rock so loud!!!! @_@!!!!!!!! The contest is over before they even finish their first song! Aerosmith has won the Battle of the Bands :)!!!!

AaaaaaaahhhhH!  Kadoma!  Look out!! NO!!  Not at the camera, BEHIND YOU!!  Aaaaaahhhh!
In order to keep from kissing Kadoma's butt (a job most of the guys of Tomobikyo would pay to do), Kriss is ready to pull her Saturday Night Special... But Aerosmith saves her from humiliation and a murder1 rap.

Kriss then flicks of Kadoma and runs away laughing (I don't get this, Kadoma's score was higher even though she didn't win, so why didn't Kriss have to lick her boots anyway?_?). Kadoma is pretty pissed now and in her demented state of anger she hurls one of her drumsticks at Kriss' fleeing body and misses by a mile (instead impaling Canada's gas tank on his suped up bike causing him to go cruising off a bridge and blowing him up in a fiery ball of flesh and metal. God what a sight!). The evening's festivities end when Aerosmith finishes with Sweet Emotion and yells "Goooooooodnight Atlanta!!" (eh, close enough), and Marker Shan-chan jumps up on the stage and does his impression of the old American President from the 1990s, Bill Clinton (i.e. he pulls down his pants and moons the audience).

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Event 20 ("The Cause of the Love Left Behind!")

September 13th

Whoa!!! Is that a UFO?!?!
You say 199, I say 200, let's just call the whole thing off.

The two GirlGangs (led by Kadoma and Kriss) have both met at the foot of the infamous 1991/2 stairs in order to end the feud once and for all. A bunch of the time dilators are watching in horror at what appears to be the beginning of a lot of pain!

Meanwhile, back at the empty Tomobikyo H.S., Kenny is leading a bunch of ESDF and Angel time strippers around Professor Genma's "secret" lab. He's trying to get them to believe his story of seeing his own clone in a primitive Cloning Tank when the lights click on and Genma, Nurse Rei and the Science Ninja Team walk in and catch them. After the Future People easily knock out the Ninja Team, they demand that Genma tell them what is going on! And funnily enough he starts to (and a bunch of students pile into the lab from out of nowhere to hear the story too).

Back at the Stairs, the fight is about to begin when Kriss reaches into her purse and pulls out Kyran's missing nuclear dilation pack!!! All the future people (and Oni) gasp and the students follow suit when Kriss drops it and a mechanical voice is heard saying that "A Timed Nuclear Dilation Explosion will occur in 20 minutes"!!! @_@!!!! Within seconds just about everybody is bookin' it (with Kyran left trying to calm Kriss down and Kriss with HUGE eyes and lots of sweatdrops on her head). In the crowd of people running for it, Ushiko and Umao profess their love (right before they get trampled).

Maaaaaaaan, Campus Guardian's got a big shtick!
Campus Guardian and, ummmm, uh, was this plant dude an Oni character or one of Genma's weird eperiments?... Well anyway, they help clear people away from the Timed Nuclear Dilation Explosion.

Inside Professor Genma's creepy lab he starts spilling the beans.... And he doesn't stop! He starts out by saying that everything that he's worked on so hard in his experiments was to find the key to immortality. He wants to live forever and become some sort of a "god". Kenny is indeed one of his guinea pigs and when he learns that the second Kenny (i.e. the one in the pink trench coat and not the nekkid one in the giant test tube) is from the future and that he's succeeded in his experiments he starts doing the mambo with Nurse Rei. The time travellers bitch slap him to stop and Kenny gives him a sob story about how crappy life is when you can't die and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah..... Genma seems to understand and nods his bearded head as he says he'll stop trying to farge with Mother Lilith's rules (eh, I guess that's something like "Mother Nature").

But then he goes on to explain how he experimented with some kooky plant pheromones on Kadoma and that's why the whole town fell in love with her, that he discovered a way to get plants to have sex with human females, and how he found this albino girl lying unconscious right outside the school gate a few months ago and how he eventually turned her into Nurse Rei with all the extra time fluxuation energy coursing through her and with a variety of cloning techniques and his super secret tentacle plants that he usually uses to capture young hotties with..... Well, first of all, nobody wants to touch Rei after that tentacle plant thing, but soon Scientist Hirachi figure out that not only is Genma the father of all cloning techniques, but REI is ZERO!! An audible *gasp* is heard.

Outside, the entire town is running away from the 1991/2 Stairs (even though the Timed Nuclear Annihilation will probably wipe out everybody in a 55 mile radius and their fleeing helps them in no way at all) and a bunch come running into the school and explain the situation to Genma and the rest of the main characters. Genma gets all serious, awakens the Kenny from his hibernation tank and heads out the door. Everybody else follows.

Back at the Stairs, Kyran is trying to stop the Nuclear Pack while Kriss pisses herself behind her. With the push of a button Kyran says "Yattah!", but then the Nuclear Pack states that the 627 megaton bomb has been expanded to 2,455 megatons by now being able to access the space-time continuum!!! Kyran gets a large sweat bead and then quickly runs with Kriss right behind. 2 minutes are left until End of World.

Okay, long story short, everybody finally meets up again, they find Yurethra and Tyler goin' at it hot and heavy-like in a car up on Make-Out Point, Zeldadis tries to throw himself on the Dilation Pack with 3 seconds left, the bomb goes off, Zeld is dust and the mushroom cloud expands at only 4 miles per hour due to the time-space power! Chaos and anarchy kick in. Genma thinks that maybe the Immortal Kenny might be able to cancel the Timed Nuclear Explosion, so the fresh-from-the-tube Kenny runs toward the slow explosion .... and gets annihilated. Everyone is horrified as they look at the future Kenny who just shrugs his shoulders and says "Eh, he'll be alright".

Ooooh!!!!  Ooooh the humanity!! :)
This is the coolest part of the whole frickin' series!! This annoying little choad is just listening to her headset and doesn't even hear the End of Time go off!

Campus Guardian and Town Hunter finally declare their love for eachother, but because they stopped running to look into eachother's eyes they both die in the snail-like burning wall of fire.

The whole gang is a good ways away from the blast even as it expands, but they still aren't sure that they'll survive it. But just then, a light starts flashing on Kyran's other Time Dilation Pack! It announces that the remaining God Energy in the exploding pack has been released and that a Time Fold Gate can now be opened to a precise point of time in the future... Namely 2727.

Everyone is happy, especially when Genma announces that the opening of a Time Flux Gate should cut the remaining power to the bomb-pack by 99.8%! So the gate is opened and all the Oni, Angel and ESDF travellers jump in (along with a few more time stowaways), except for Kyran, Tyler and Yurethra. They turn to Nurse Rei and Yurethra tells her that she has to come too since she's the second Scion Key. But Kyran stops her and says that isn't the case and she can stay here if she chooses. Tyler and Yurethra are confused (duh) and Nurse Rei and Genma are happy. Rei likes the older body, and as long as she's Genma's age she'd love to stay with him (in the background the mushroom cloud is visibly diminishing). But at that moment, the radioactive shockwave of the bomb hits them and the older body that is Nurse Rei turns to dried up vines and leaves and gets blown away leaving a young Zero in her place. Zero looks up at Genma, says "Sorry, old man, but I'm underage" and dives through the time hole (with Kyran, Tyler and Yurethra close behind).

I think she's a clone now.  There's always two of her just a hangin' around.
"I'll be just fine with this Nurse Rei blow up doll in this scathed land of soon to be nuclear winter with all its already alarmingly gigantic mutations. Don't worry 'bout me."

The light of both the explosion and the Gate Hole fades and only the charred ashes of Tomobikyo remain. Aerosmith, Willy and Genma all give eachother hugs and tell themselves that they "can rebuild!"... They just didn't realize that it would be so hard because of the extremely high levels of bastardized Time Radiation of that one blast was enough to melt the polar ice caps of the world, cause famine and disease to run rampant and the UN to form some secret organizations to hide the fact that Nessie and Sasquatch truly exist. I hope they're up to the task.

2727 Space

Back in their real time, the Time Dilators all appear inside the Yamacsico... but it ain't the Yamacsico that everybody knew before! It is now the Yamacsico Version 2 (Y-Frame) (apparently due to somebody stepping on a butterfly a millenium in the past when that butterfly originally lived the ESDF now has the superscience to rebuild the destroyed battleship better than ever and in only a week [the time the dilators were gone]).

Monitoring the situation from the AbuCabu, Master sees Kadoma (who stowed away in the Warp Hole) and falls instantly in love with her! But Jingy is in her arms and as she pets him slowly she promises to stay with him forever (damn is she capricious!).

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