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Ohmygodohmygod! Did you hear?! George Clooney is actually gettin' hitched! |
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What, so they finally got that gerbil out of his ass? |
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No, that's Richard Gere you're thinking about. |
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Oh... So, DID they get the gerbil out of his ass? |
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No, but who cares! Clooney! George! The! This is real news, Papa Smurf! |
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I honestly and totally and completely give no shits about that "news". What DOES terrify me is that they are digging for those old Atari E.T. cartridges in that landfill in the desert! |
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The HELL you say! |
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Yup, it's true! Microsoft is even funding this excavation! Do you know what this means, Druggle?! |
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Oh, oh god... What if they find HIM too?! What if they come for us?! |
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Megaman confused. What is buried? Who is king? Why is llama? |
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Okay, picture this: The year is 1982. Steven King's E.T. is raking in the bitcoins in the theater and Atari Videogame Corporation realizes "Holy shit! We can make a video game based on this hit movie, and even if it sucks it'll earn us BAJILLIONS of bank!" |
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Megaman is with you so far. Except for the part about-- |
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And so they force some intern to crank out a game in like 2 business weeks time. And let me tell you something, he almost literally SHITS this stinker out. It sucks. It has no game play. It doesn't follow the movie at all. The graphics are some of the worst ever created for the already super-blocky Atari 2600 system. It just is the most awful thing ever, next to the gay elf's mom's poon after the Hyrulian fleet comes to port. |
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Uh oh. No wonder she hires Megaman after the big boats come in in order to use Megaman's vaccuum attachment to clean out her-- |
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So the first batch of E.T. games goes out to stores, right? And Atari is creaming their jeans in anticipation over just how rich all up in there they plan to get once that batch sells out and they sell the remainder of the 5million cartridges that they premade for the Christmas rush that they simply KNOW will be coming. Hell, they already sold how many millions of their beyond shit-tastic version of Pac-Man?! |
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Twelve-teen? Fives? Octobers? |
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Anyway, very soon people began to figure out just how much the game sucked bull dick, and only a little over a million carts were sold, and several hundred thousand of those fuckers were returned because the game was so incredibly shitty. Soon the $50 game was reduced to around tree-fiddy, and even that wasn't selling. Atari found itself sitting on millions of unsold and returned cartridges of teh worstest game ever made featuring a semi-retarded and hideous alien (next to the game based on Mac & Me), and a loss of 100 MILLION dollars... Back in 1982 that was like 102 MILLION dollars! |
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.......................And then? |
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No "and then!" That's it. E.T. the Extra Testicle almost single handedly BROKE Atari, which led to the home video game dry spell that lasted until the mothafuckin' awesome NES rode into stores in the late 80s. |
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So, who cares if Microsoft goes digging in the desert to find those old shitty games, Doc? |
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I'll tell you who the fuck cares! ME! Jesus tit-fucking Jermaine Christ! Doc! Do you think they'll find him? I mean, we buried that fucker pretty deep there, but there's no way we got deeper than the Atari level! Oh shit! What if he's not dead! He'll tell them! Oh shit! We're fucked! |
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Chill out. I'm sure he's dead. We smacked the shit out of him with my lucky shovel! But damn, if they find him they might trace it back to us... No time to waste! Here's the not-stolen keys to the Princess' 1940s jalopy! Let's get the fuck out of-- |
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Hellooooooooo?......Hellooooooooooooooooooo? |
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.......................................... |
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............................................. Oh my god! He found us! I don't know how, but he found us! Run for it, Druggle! |
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Who? Who found us? |
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Who do you think?!?!? THE RETARD that we had to whack so that the next stage of gaming evolution could advance! |
 E.T. phone hoooooooooome... And the cops....... You're goin' down, mothafuckas! |
