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Events 1-4: The Beginning


Events 1 - 4

"What Goes Around"

Characters' names in BOLD are those that appear for the first time. Go to the Characters Page to read more about them.

Event 1 ("Weaving a Story")  

The year is 2727.

Flashes of a huge armada of spaceships soaring through bright, vibrant subspace are seen interspersed with images aboard an ESDF Diplomatic ship. The diplomats on board are extremely happy galactic heroes who are celebrating their first successful arms and biological weapons treaty with humanity's greatest threat, the MamonOni.

Just as the party hits a high note, sirens go off and frightened people start grabbing on to things attached to the walls and floor as everything starts to shake. The Diplomatic Ship trembles violently and then from an outside-space point of view we witness the small craft explode and soon in its place the armada that we saw earlier materializes. The Jovian Angels have arrived.

Inside one of the Earth Self Defense Force Faction's main satellite command posts is pure chaos. Grand Admiral Luscious Fox is trying to figure out what just happened. It is widely believed that the Oni blew up the ESDF shuttle as a sign of aggression, despite the productive talks that just occured. An open line is made to the Oni Supreme Commander, Jingy, on a huge display in the ESDF control room. Soon the accusations and fur are flying and both sides end up declaring war on eachother in order to save face. During all of this, the Angels are listening in to both transmissions and try to intercede. Out of pure exasperation, they end up declaring war on everybody and then announce that they have a COSMIC weapon that can kill God (This does not quiet down the Oni or the ESDF one bit, it in fact causes more confusion and war threats). The Triangle War of 2727 officially begins between the Human ESDF, the monstrous Oni and the unknown Jovian Angels.

To prepare for the first frontal assault against the Oni, Luscious Fox boards the command carrier for the ESDF Space Fleet, the Yamacsico. She meets with the goofy Captain, Yurethra Marumisu, briefly before her eyes land on da Count (who's also being watched by Irene and Major Ms. Blotto at the same time, each with a goofy love-lorn look on her face). Da Count is talking to Dr. Marumisu about something very serious and he doesn't notice any of the gals. Dr. Marumisu is especially grim when he mentions that something like the Nuclear Annihilation of 2015 must never happen again.

In the hangar of the Yamacsico, ace pilot extraordinaire Guy Butrosbutros is officially titled "Onee-chan" to Dick Nutter's insipid "Lil' bro". He begrudgingly accepts the responsibility just as the warning sirens go off and the ESDF are attacked!

Hundreds of Disposable GunDAMN!s and BumbleBees fly out of the bowels of the ESDF ships to meet the oncoming hoards of the Jovian mecha-army led by the psycho pilot Dildau. Many Disposables and Bees are blown away or badly damaged (including Norika's and Dick's, both of whom were saved by Guy). Azusa and Shinji are having a good time blowing things up in their Jehovah Units when Big Gay Shinji makes the mistake of bragging to Azusa that he's bagged more ESDF hostiles than she has... She responds by "bustin' a cap up his ass" and counts it as another of her kills ;p).

Now, why couldn't he have fallen on Daisaku?  That would have at least been cool.
Now, this bellowing womanly scream almost totally destroyed the coolness of this tough, big guy.

Then a major blow to the ESDF takes place when Big Tobor, after kickin' robo arse big time and saving over 20 friendly mecha from "biting it", stands too close to an exploding Badaboom and falls from grace himself. Just about everything seems lost for the recently battle christened ESDF forces when an escape shuttle takes off from the Yamacsico carrying Dr. Marumisu! The shuttle won't respond to any hails from Yurethra on the bridge or Dr. Freshnesu in the labs as it continues on its course straight into the enemy held space. But instead of attacking the shuttle, Dildau retrieves it with his/her/its mecha unit and all of the Angels fall back into a retreat. Dildau's mecha by-mistakenly slams into a mini MamonOni spy ship piloted by F-Ah-U for the purpose of gathering valuable information on the new Jovian threat. Dildau's robot isn't even scratched, but F-Ah-U's is damaged beyond repair and he goes flying into oblivion cursing everybody and swearing vengeance! Most of the ESDF crew is in shock or in tears at how badly they performed and at the loss of the Doctor (in the background of the bridge we can see Ushiko and Umao professing their love for eachother).

Then we see da Count and Murasema meeting in an empty corridor. Murasema says that he came as soon as da Count told him that he had important secret information for him that could help end this war before it truly begins. But just before da Count could explain what it was, a time-delayed bomb left by the Jovians goes off and kills Kenny Murasema and leaves da Count in a coma!!!!

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Event 2 ("Angel Attack")

We start in the Yamacsico Hangar with Yurethra, Luscious, Dr. Freshnesu and tons of armed guards as an ESDF shuttle arrives and lands in front of them. Dr. Freshnesu is talking about how important the passengers are to the war cause and to humanity's survival in the grand scheme of things. She starts to explain how they play an important part in Humanity's last best chance for not dying, as one of the Scion Keys is locked into one of the newcomer's DNA sequence, while the other Key is encoded into somebody's genetic code who's already aboard. Then Tyler Durden and Zero step out and cut her off before she can finish. Everyone is totally amazed at how alike both Lei-Lei and Zero are! Yurethra asks how this can be since cloning was stopped before either could have been created, but she stops herself when her star-filled eyes land on Tyler... Love at first sight. She blushes and quickly shuffles over to him leaving the Yamacsico crew making sick faces and pretending to puke ^o^. They start talking romance and everybody leaves (Luscious can't find the two blue-haired lifeless ones, but quickly brushes it out of her mind as she makes a course for the infirmary).

If they ever have a kid it's seppukku city for me, I tell ya -_-
Tyler promises Yurethra the stars in the sky and copies of all of Gainax's shows on Super Compact Digital Light Discs (SCDLDs).

Grand Admiral Fox bursts into da Count's hospital room with a big grin on her face, which slowly fades away (and is replaced by a "sweat drop" on the back of her head) when she sees that both Miss Blotto and Irene are already there staring daggers at eachother over the coma guy's bed. Each starts into a heated argument of how they are more worthy of da Count's love and how they came to know him. It's pretty funny and it holds tons of insight into each of the characters' personalities and points of view on "fairness", buuuuuuut I don't feel like going into it right now.

The camera then takes a quick tour of the ship and we get to see all the repairs getting made and all the down faces of the crew. In the mecha hangar, Guy is slapping Dick around like a Chinese Whore for almost causing "such a great and talented, not to mention handsome and charming" pilot, such as himself, to lose his life! Dick just takes it like the ****y that he is. In the background, Norika starts crying because somebody (even though it isn't her ?_?) is getting yelled at. Then all three of them (Guy, Dick and Norika) are called out on duty to check out a blip that just came up on the radar screen.

Meanwhile, on a stage in the middle of Queeny Park (in the center of the living quarters inside the Yamacsico), the military-moral band FIRESTARTER is having a falling out. Their lead singer, Mismay, leaves in a huff when she declares that she's underappreciated and that the rest of them are holding her back. Just two feet off of the stage, though, she thinks twice about it and turns around to apologize. But it's too late as they've already made Baskaca the replacement singer and found two more band members. They all kick Mismay off the stage and pull one eyelid down in disgust :p.

Out in space, the three ESDF pilots run into Jovians Siggy Freud and Azusa in their Jehovah Units who are trying to sneak into the Yamacsico for some kind of espionage/demolition mission. A battle ensues and Dick's Disposable GunDAMN! is blown up and for a few seconds we're to think that he's dead (but Guy saved him dammit!). Norika is left alone to fight Siggy, but she just crumples and cries. Siggy makes fun of her for a while before just blowing up her mecha (Guys once again saves her too and also manages to damage Siggy's Jehovah). Azusa excapes in the clamor.

A while later, both Dick and Norika are getting paddled around like a couple of red-headed step children by a bunch of girls (i.e. "Guy's Groupies") for almost causing their honey-child to kick the bucket while he had to rescue their sorry butts. Guy smiles and reclines on his mecha up high above them (he da MAN!).

Did I ever tell you how much I hate droll, boring, albinos?  No?  Well I do.
Lei-Lei and Zero meet in the Holo-Room and "discuss things" in secret. Ooooooooooo! Secretu secretu ^.^

In the cafeteria, something interesting is happening. A drinking contest is going on between Ms. Blotto and an unseen challenger. A lot of people have gathered around as NOBODY has lasted this long against the major! Soon we see that the Jovian Azusa is the other alcoholic and she's doing pretty good keeping up the pace! After a few more rounds (they're up to 25 now) of Tequilla, Ms. Blotto cheats and offers the little hot head some raw pork to go with the liquor. Half the crowd gathered along with Azusa "woof their cookies" and Blotto wins... then collapses with alcohol poisoning. The last we see of her in this episode is passed out, lying in the bed next to da Count with both Fox and Irene fuming while building a brick wall between them ^_^.

Azusa slowly crawls to her hidden Jehovah while cursing Blotto and holding her head in pain while looking for some Nuprin.

On board the Jovian's flagship, Cowboy Mike is coming out of the meeting room with MASTER, Siggy, Azusa (carrying a plastic bag with her), Vegas, Mari and Dr. Marumisu (who already seems to be an important part in the Jovian War Machine!) when the H-Girls ambush him and start forcing themselves on him (hey, it's what they do;)! He tries to resist, but it's too late as his lovely Ifiriri sees, misunderstands and flees. Mike runs after her (knocking the H-Girls away like bowling pins ^o^), but it's too late. She's already left the ship sobbing her poor lil' eyes out T_T. The last shots we see are of Ifiriri's shorted out body floating lifelessly in space being picked up by a large vessel with the MamonOni insignia on the side!

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Event 3 ("A Human Work")

The Yggdrasil (the second or third most powerful ship in the ESDF Fleet) is under a heavy bombardment from what appears to be the entire Oni armada. Then after one laser shot too many it goes supernova like a frog on a firecracker!

Drifting among the floating wreckage, the Yamacsico comes across an escape pod from its sister ship and Yurethra orders it saved. On board are the Yggdrasil's Captain (Grubby), the screwed up Doctor GoFish and a little girl named Caca. Grubby is immediately displeased when he not only finds out that he's aboard the dimwit Captain Yurethra's ship, but that his pacifist "other self", NomE, is also aboard -_-. Caca seems to be a quiet and shy child, but she quickly warms up to the crew and starts making fun of Dick Nutter and the rest of the losers that everybody else hates.

All seems to be quiet and well, until a radar-cloaking vessel is seen sneaking into a damaged section of the Yamacsico. Soon the Jovian Anne Droid emerges and infiltrates the ship.

Inside the living quarters, Ally is seen walking out of Guy's room with a confused look on her face asking herself what she was doing in this part of the Yamacsico (she's only wearing a very revealing nighty that seems to be on backwards;). As soon as she's out of the picture, Mismay comes running down the hallway and bursts into Guy's room too! He's semi-comatose with a HUGE grin on his face (and an empty bottle of penicillin on his dresser0_o). Mismay bursts into tears and wonders if she did the wrong thing with leaving FIRESTARTER!, but Guy just lies there still and twitches and moans a bit. Then she says that he's the only one who ever truly understood her and that she's always loved him (as she starts to undress herself). Guy rolls his eyes back (still smiling:) and moans again.

Inside the bridge of the Yamacsico, we see Captain Marumisu dashing out with Tyler being dragged along as she sings "Love love love love love love!!" over and over again. Her little sister (Fukuku) is sitting in the captain's chair with a confused look on her face and the captain's hat thrown on her head. Her dog Brian is befuddled sitting next to her (I'm using a thesaurus if you couldn't tell).

Outside the medical room where da Count is in a coma (and Fox, Irene and Ms. Blotto are inside fighting over who gets to feed him his mint and cherry pudding), is Luscious' private guard Rose. Both Scientists Hirachi and Jambon are trying their best to use sophisticated "spying equipment" they've invented to see her panties, but in the end she loses her patience and kicks both their annoying asses in a micron before returning to her silent and steady sentry pose. Past her runs Yuretha and Tyler. Rose just shakes her head in shame.

Further down the ship we see the Captain and her lover run into a broom closet and the moaning begins. Then, across the hall, Guy's door opens a crack and Mismay sneaks out (all dishevelled) while talking herself up and telling herself that she has the "heart" to carry on without FIRESTARTER! and that she can be the biggest idol that this universe has ever seen (From inside Guy's room we can hear him ask "Who the f*** was that?!?"). As Mismay turns the corner, Anne drops from the ceiling and bolts down the corridor.

Anne sneaks into the empty bridge very cautiously, and is startled to see only a little girl and her pet dog. The Jovian pulls out a huge arsennal of automatic weaponry from out of nowhere and levels them at the two while Brian freaks and Fukuku just tilts her head and smiles:)

Inside the Jovian Angels' command room, MASTER is explaining his plans of having his favorite robot of destruction search and destroy both the Captain and the bridge of the Yamacsico, turning the ESDF's most powerful ship into its biggest hindrance. Then we get a nice fan service shot of Fein St. Patrick bending over the holodisplay to get a better look^_^.

Servisuu, servisuu!!!
Totally pointless, but I ain't complaining!

Flash back to the Yamacsico bridge as Yurethra skips and dances back to her command post while straightening her uniform when she stops, shreiks @_@, and points in front of her while asking out loud "Wh-what, wh-wh-who are you?!" We then see that Fukuku is sitting on the floor with Brian and they're both covered in make-up and trashy clothes and jewelry. The younger Marumisu smiles a big grin and says that "she's her sister, silly" and that they were just playing with her new friend Annie who's just disappeared (man, Yurethra may be cute and sweet, but she's beyond baka).

Inside the Jovian Kami Killah (way behind the front lines), Dr. Marumisu is trying to bribe Mari away from the control panel with toys and lollipops so that he can "perfect it" by himself. She says "Only if he helps them to start cloning procedures", which he utterly refuses. The Doctor does promise that he can turn the KKillah into a Playstation 522 for her too, if she promises to be quiet and play elsewhere. To which she agrees and he starts laughing maniacally to himself as it fades to black @_@!!

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Event 4 ("Don't Be")

Anne Droid is being chewed out by MASTER for failing in her mission (she just stands there wearing cheap, play jewelry and tons of makeup with tears bubbling up in her big ol' artificial eyes). He then commands that the Assassin Shav be sent in to complete the task. Shav emerges from the shadows, salutes, then goofily falls flat on his face while saying "Oro?"

The First Battle of the Bands is about to take place onboard the Yamacsico, and FIRESTARTER!, Tish and the Kopy Kats, and Mismay are the main contestants! Everybody in the enormous audience is psyched (with most waving "DIE, Minmay!" and "Minmay, Lick My Nutz!" banners), but then the warning sirens start to wail and all the mecha pilots run to the hangar! The Bands start to play anyway, beginning with Tish!.

The space battle is HUGE and fast paced! Mecha and ships from both the Jovian and ESDF sides blow up left and right and up and down with the Oni jumping into the fight too when they see how much fun it looks! Dick Nutter almost buys the farm on three seperate occassions due to his own complete incompetance, but his "big brother" Guy puts his own life on the line time after time to save the flying piece of s***. In the next attack wave, though, Guy comes to his senses and lets his "little bro" get all blow'd up by the combined attack power of Azusa and Siggy in their Jehovah Units (He then laughs to himself and breathes a sigh of relief now that he won't ever have to try and rescue Nutter's sorry ass ever again).

"Oh no!  Not again!  It hurt so good, please understand!"
Wham, BAM!!!! Thank you ma'ams ^_^!

After everybody's done applauding the explosive demise of the irritating one, the battle rages on. Meanwhile, inside the OniCon, we see that Fein St. Patrick has snuck aboard amid the disorder to learn everything that she can about the "Man Beast" Oni (zany hilarity ensues). Left alone in the Jovian ship is her psychotic schizo puppy Achtung!!, who (in a very depressed and very mental state of mind) tries to blow himself up with a space-stinger missile he found lying around the armory. He fails, and in the confusion about 20 Facless Minions bite it. Achtung!! then decides to take a nap.

Outside, the fierce fight continues, but inside the Yamacsico the bands still play! Now FIRESTARTER! is on the stage and they sing and play to the empty auditorium with all their hearts. T&tKKs spit spitballs at them and Mismay curses under her breath when she hears how good they are and how none of their songs have the words "Happy", "Lovely" or "Sugar Coated" in the lyrics.

Meanwhile, outside the bridge of the Yamacsico, Lt. Yamato tries to prove that neither Grand Admiral Fox (who is seen trying to give da Count a sponge bath while doing her best to keep Ms. Blotto and Irene away from him) nor Yurethra (who is shown [well, more like "heard"] going at it with the always tired looking Tyler Durden in another closet) are capable of running the ship. He's about to break into the bridge and take a picture of it empty to prove he's right, when Brian (dressed to look like an Oni spy) gets his attention and has the Lt. chase him away from the bridge door. Fukuku *sighs* in relief and starts typing in her computer book. Both Zero and Lei-Lei (sitting quietly in the Communications and Operations Station) look at the camera and say "Baka" like 20 thousand times -_-..... Yeah, that's real funny.

Inside the combat zone, Guy starts busting arse and taking no prisoners (with no dead weight on him he's a one person wrecking crew.... which makes you wonder why that "big brother policy" was ever made up in the first place). Norika, however, gets another Disposable GunDAMN! unit destroyed, but thankfully Drugis saves her cute behind before either Mr. Piggy or Dildau could finish the job.

Whoa..... what a fast and furious and furry space battle....... *Yawn*
Awwwwwww ^_^, what cute mecha designs!

Unexpectedly, though, the Jovians call off the attack and retreat. Getting tired themselves, the Oni do the same thing and head back to their fleet for some brewskies and chili fries. The ESDF rejoices a bit then says "Screw it!" and returns to the Yamacsico where the Battle of the Bands is still going on. Mismay is about to bop up onto the stage to "Outshine the corrupted hearts of those who came before her" when all of a sudden, a Jovian infiltration pod crashs through the outer and inner hull and lands right on her! Out of the pod hops Shav who scurries away like a crab (with a dorky smile spreading ever wider) amidst all of the confusion that follows (and the groans when it's seen that Mismay was not hit or hurt in the least -_-).

Hidden in her lab and oblivious to all the problems around her, Dr. Freshnesu begins work on the Big MF Bomb (which is theoretically impossible, but which she claims she MUST MAKE work in order to save Dr. Marumisu's apparently vitiated soul). Oh yeah, Kenny Murasema blew up again somewhere in this episode too.

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