Page 5

Goddammit... The Doctor said he was going to show me the world. Shining, shimmering, splendid... But then he claimed he locked his keys in the TARDIS. Asshole.

 

Oh... I see how it goes.

 

Not fair. So Cupcake and the MegaPlayboy get to roam the universe and time with the egomaniacal Doctor, but I have to stay in Atlanta surrounded by unbathed geeks and freaks? I might as well have just stayed in college.

 

But then the Doctor got his just deserts in the form of an unpossible astronaut. After the two of them destroyed all of time about 5 times (and just as many eternities) in a row, we all just moved on and pretended nothing happened. Which was easy, because it didn't both before and after it did. *Sigh* Time.... It's all just a confusing big ball of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey.... stuff.

 

Then we all found this nice bar and grill just a few blocks away from Dragon*Con. Here's Cupcake showing her appreciation for the beer found within.

 

After eating and drinking for a couple of hours and kegs, the Red Bull truck pulled up and some hottie Red Bull chicks started posing for pictures and whatnot. You can see the Doctor in the background on the left lining up for a picture...

 

Oh... I guess he just needed a recharge instead of posing with some half-naked honeys...

 

..................This honestly should have been a movie and not just a still image. The Doctor broke the rear axel, popped 3 tires, shattered all the windows, and punctured the giant can on top. It took a firehose to get him to stop.

 

On the way back to the main hotels, we came across this live window art display with two dudes posing still as statues. The Doctor and the Chief decided they'd do their best to make them move, so they both started humping the glass and dancing in front of the non-moving men. Then the Doctor licked the fucking glass.... The dude in the white hat smirked slightly, but neither twitched more than that... Both the Doctor and the Chief conceded that the statue guys won, but at least they gave it their all short of public indecency.

The Doctor was heard later saying "The schnozberries taste like schnozberries..."

 

Ah! Okay, I wasn't sure if I actually remembered the Doctor dry humping Mojo Jojo, or if that was just another horrible alcohol-induced hallucination. Whew! Good.... Wait.

 

The Doctor, just after apologizing to Cupcake for being a loud and crazy drunk on the streets of Atlanta, and talking (very loudly) with the Chief about how "WE HAVE TO BE QUIETERS! There's like respectables peoples here who like go to fucking church and shit tomorrow... Wait, is tomorrow Sunday?! FUCK ME! I think I lost a day!"

 

The Doctor met up with his first Rule 63 Doctor of the con. That meeting blew his fucking MIND... And possibly his bladder.

 

As we got close to the D*C again, the Doctor screamed out "HA!" and then ran into the fanboy crowd. He was yelling out "Jay! HEY, JAY! I need a picture with yous!"

Jay then screamed out, "Yo, fatass! We're needed!" And Silent Bob jumped down from a ledge and started walking toward the Doctor and Jay. That's when the Doctor saw Silent Bob and shrieked, "Yo, lunchbox! Step it up! Come on, tubby!" Then Silent Bob's face turned all sad. It was sad.

 

I honestly do NOT remember this at ALL, but Cupcake assures me (as does this picture) that I was interviewed at the entrance to the hotel by some dude with a giant camera and microphone. I have no idea what he asked me, but Cupcake tells me that my answer was huge, full of wild hand gestures, and that I was totally, 100%-obviously drunk off my ass.

Seriously, if anybody knows where I can find video footage of me talking to this guy, I will pay you money. Not much, but money nonetheless.