Page 6

No, that's not Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, it's really Mose Schrute, Dwight's cousin, from The Office. I don't know where he got that axe, and alcohol prevented me from asking.

 

Rule 63 Sailor Scouts, and a Rule 63 Mario... Though I don't know which one the Doctor is giving the "thumbs up" to. Goddamn! Mario has some nice legs!

 

This is the greatest moment in Indiana Jones' pathetic and boring little life! Just LOOK at how totally ecstatic he is in that goddamn mothafuckin' fez!

 

Then the Chief saw a gang from one of his favoritest movies of all time: the Baseball Furies from The Warriors! They totally came out to plaaaaaaaaaaaay... With their baseball bats and the Doctor's head mostly, and, HOLY SHIT! Is that Yaya Han?!

 

The Chief then had to pose with his good friend Yaya in her "boobies costume." I think she totally nailed all the elements of the character. (Seriously, Yaya's pretty cool.)

 

Honestly, these two might have had the best original costumes at the whole entire con... Though personally I'm just shocked as fucking hell that the Doctor never bothered to pose with hot April there on the right... No, on second thought I'm not that surprised really. Look how comfortable he is with an over-stuffed and over-testosteroned rhino and wart hog. April didn't stand a chance.

 

Here's some guy from the Coast Guard in a life preserver and some shitty old video camera who just kept mumbling something about shit being "heavy," and kissing his mother. The freaks come out in droves at these things, let me tell ya!

Whoa.... Did you know that if Back to the Future was remade now, Marty'd go back to 1982? That's... That's not that long ago. Wow... Is this what my parents thought about the original movie and 1955 being the final destination of Marty's adventures? That shit's fucked up...

 

Here we can see the Doctor after he actually traveled to another dimension! Inspector Space-Time tried to explain to the confused Time Lord that there was no "beer" in his universe, just tea and melted Jelly Bellies in hot water... Hence the Doctor's expression... Or maybe the good Doc is just confused why Rule 63 Sailor Mars is actually hooking up with a chick behind him.

 

The Chief and the Doctor then met up with Carol Danvers in her classic Ms. Marvel costume before she went all butch as the new Captain Marvel. The Doctor is showing her how to chug like Billy Batson! (That's a joke on multiple levels, people... Stay with me now.)

 

I never thought I'd ever see anybody in real life as hairy as David Cockrum's Wolverine. Here's the Chief just before licking the Canuck's back hair (in order to absorb his awesomeness), and the Doctor pretending to have adamantium claws popping out of his knuckles that I thought I'd want to Photoshop in later, but then I figured that'd be about 2 minutes of my time and fuck it.

 

I swear to fucking Christ, I played with this guy for like 5 whole minutes. I'd turn around and yell out "It's the Silence!" then turn to run, scratch my head and look confused, then continue to talk to Cupcake until he tapped my shoulder again. 5 whole fucking minutes of that shit... Neither of us got tired of it. Though by the looks of it I'd say the Chief had no clue what the hell we were doing.

 

The only rule for DragonCon is "There are no fucking rules." Seriously, the Chicken Lady from The Kids in the Hall.... Wow.

What's also confusing to me is how I have no recollection of this moment. Jesus, I have a problem.

 

The Chief and the Doctor shat their pants at the same time when they ran across ol' Jack Burton and his drinking buddies. Here's the Doctor trying out his cool new electric attack he learned from motherfucking Lightning himself!.... Unfortunately "thunder" is all he got. And a necessary change of undies.

 

BANG DRUMS! BANG DRUMS! Hey, Doctor, show them your "metal" face! Animal and Sweetums were both totally impressed by it, and WHOA! I never knew Animal was really a cute chick! Or transgendered... Either way, hawt!

 

The Chief was all for meeting the Major, but the Doctor tried too hard to dive into the net without any cybernetic enhancements... Which led to another bout of "thunder" down under.... And what the fuck is that balloon thing on the right?

 

It was after meeting the Major that the Doctor found that his sonic screwdriver wasn't working anymore. No more wibbly-wobbly sounds when he gave people the "kancho" with it. He took a swing at her for "interwebs hopping into my pen light-up thingy, beeyatch!" After he was able to walk without a funny limp again, he came upon Moss, and after bribing him with a stolen iPhone from the Major's boyfriend, the IT specialist fixed the sonic for the Doc. By replacing its battery. Allons-y!

 

I never realized that the Black Widow was really a midget! That's cool of Nick Fury to hire lil' people into his secret organization. Dwarves can kick ass and keep secrets just like the rest of us regular normals!

 

The Doctor came across the Rule 63 Zoltar machine, used some sonic magic on it, and when he asked to "be BIG" he got his wish! Oh yeah! He became biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig on the internet like nobody's business.... For like 2 minutes. 2 glorious minutes he topped pr0n and "Lindsay Lohan's hoodilly" in Google searches!