How It All Began
Back in January of this year the MegaPlayboy and I decided to go on an awesomely geeky adventure in the summer. We made plans to go to the San Diego Comic Con in July, but the official website where one was required to purchase tickets for the event was a godawful fucktarded experiment in douchebaggery (the direct link that everybody who was preregistered was emailed that led to the ticket-buying page when tickets were first made available back in March didn't work... Instead, the MegaPlayboy and I learned [a bit late], one had to copy and paste the URL into a browser in order to get to the correct webpage). I started off as #65,254, and the MegaPlayboy was something like #70,300 when we finally got on the correct (and working) site. Don't ask me (an actual web guy) how a giant organization could fuck such a simple thing like that up... I have no goddamn clue. Fuck 'em.
Anyway, all the tickets were sold out by the time I got down to #20,381 (like an hour later), and we decided to give up the dream... But then I remembered that there was a local mega-geek-nerdfest con right in Atlanta at the tail end of summer, and neither of us would even have to spend a boatload on traveling to get there! Yes, I speak of the Dragon*Con, and yes, both the MegaPlayboy and I both agreed that it would be a very worthy backup plan in order to still experience a nerdtastic summer. And so it was to be.
This is that tale (in picture form! Yay!).
It Started With a Hammer
So my goal for this year's Dragon*Con was to dress as an awesome character (I chose Captain Hammer for every obvious awesome reason you can think of), and then take as many pictures as I could with all the other freaks who dressed up and paraded about downtown as if they were still in their parents' basement putting on a fashion show for their cats. But first things first: I had to find the MegaPlayboy and force him to join Cupcake and I (Cupcake and me?) as we planned our attack on downtown Atlanta! Turns out he was up for it, and I didn't even have to threaten him with "the Hammer."
Everyone's a hero in their own way. You and you, but mostly me, and you!
The first hero I met (outside of a mirror) on Thursday night (preregistration night) was White GoGo Boots Batman. He thought I was so cool that he offered me a Batarang by pretending to hit me with it, and then allowing me to rip it from his hand and beat him unconscious with the device. Batman rocks!
Cupcake was so excited that she found the Mai Hime restaurant. I suck with taking pictures so badly though that I fucked up the shot and you really can't make out the Mai Hime tattoo insignia behind the American Flag and the tree... Oh well, if Captain Hammer doesn't mind getting fucked over by anything it's the American Flag!
Captain Hammer knows how to impress the ladies: by double fisting like a boss!
Captain Hammer met another true hero that night: the Tenth Doctor! He even used his sonic screwdriver to make this picture turn out more awesome than I thought possible!
THIS is when I knew Captain Hammer would have a good time that weekend, when he met Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot and had a glorious mechanical threesome on the Hammer's Satellite of Love. Oh yeeeeeeeeeah!
Soon Captain Hammer came across a Dalek who was trying to exterminate his new best friend, the Doctor, and he tried to reason with it and make it see the error of its ways...
Then Captain Hammer had to just lay down the law, smashy-smashy style. I never understood why the Doctor never just did this... It's so much easier than running.
Captain Hammer finally found his favoritest bounty hunter EVER, and was about to get his picture taken with him when THIS asshole just walked in front of the camera. So the Hammer had to have a delicate word with the dark helmeted one...
They then came to an understanding and I think we all learned a valuable lesson that night.
Captain Hammer then wandered around for a bit and eventually came upon a wonderful Wizzard named Rincewind! He couldn't do any simple magic tricks though (like making a coin appear behind somebody's ear, or making a hot chick want to make out with him), and he didn't have his orange monkey with him, so the Hammer just let him run away when a loud noise startled him.
Captain Hammer was originally going to do some cool poses with Conan the Barbarian, but he was way too impressed with the savage's crotchal-region to do anything but stare in wonderment.
Ms. Velociraptor was a beauty unlike anything Captain Hammer had ever seen! So he got down on his knee and started reciting Shakespeare to her.
"But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east and Juliet is the sun! Arise, fair sun, and kill, who is already sick and pale with grief that thou her maid art far more fair than she. Be not her maid, since she is envious; Her vestal livery is but sick and green, and none but fools do wear it. Cast it off. It is my lady, O, it is my love! O that she knew she were!" said Captain Hammer.
"SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!" said his new lady friend.
After that we had to take a moment for Cupcake to pray at the Altar of Baltar. It WAS the anniversary of his glorious Baltarness first banging that hot, blonde Cylon chick after all. THE most holy day in the Church of the Baltar.
