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Here's the Doctor and HOLYFUCKINGSHIT! RUN, Doctor, RUUUUUUN! Fire! And life incarnate! Now and forever! It's the ADORABLE Dark Phoenix!

 

The Chief explained to me days after looking at these pictures what this one was about. He said, "Rossman, there we were, in the middle of cosplay central... Hot chicks in tight outfits all around us; dudes in costumes that they spent months if not years putting together. And every one of them had shit loads of people lined up to take their pictures, as if they were important... as if they meant something... I just wanted to give that same feeling to this old fart in the worn-out Flash t-shirt. I hope I made his mothafuckin' con."

 

Something is horribly wrong with the world when I find Roger Rabbit sexier than Jessica.

 

And here's the Chief with....... Sexy? Who cares! The Chief's happy, then I'm happy.

 

When we came upon the original MALE Starbuck (with awesome light-up helmet) I knew that this con would never be topped.

 

Not only did the Doctor meet Sterling Archer, but he proved that he was a quicker draw and a much smoother sonovabitch! Seriously, what the hell is Archer drinking? A Rum and Coke in a plastic cup? The Doctor is the one in the DANGER ZOOOOOOOOOOONE in this pic.

 

As it turned out, the Holy Party Hat of Antioch was all we were missing that night. It looked good on the Doctor, and brought us all beer and good fortune... Until Cupcake saw it and said "Ohmygod, no... Where did you find that? In the ferns near the bathrooms? Take that filthy thing off and... Christ, can we BURN it in doors? Does anyone have a lighter?"

 

Zatanna was indeed a powerful mage! With one glance and one quick word she made the Doctor's pants tighter!

 

After spending 30 minutes at the crowded-as-all-fuck bar trying to get us more drinks, the Chief and the Doctor decided that the MegaPlayboy deserved to be in one of their awesome, rocking, brilliant, super wet-making photos. He obviously appreciated it.

 

OH YEAAAAAAAAAAH! Can you FEEL it, brother?! That is pure masculinity on display there in leather tiger-striped pants and a jacket with kite tails sewn onto it! Not even the Doctor could compete with the awesomeness that was/is/forever shall be The Macho Man Randy Savage! Also pictured is the Chief snapping into a Slim Jim.

 

After traveling through time and space for over 900 years, the Doctor finally met up with the greatest American Nazi-punching hero ever invented, the Rocketeer! He offered up a toast to their new friendship, took a swig of his brewski, then punched out somebody dressed as the Red Skull who was just passing by. AMURICA!

 

Jareth, the Goblin King, wants to dip his BALLS in it!

The Doctor just dropped a borrowed priceless crystal ball that Jareth inherited from his grandmother 2 seconds before this photo was taken, FYI.

 

Oh thank god! I thought I had drunk dreamed this glorious meeting! Here's the Doctor getting a lesson in forming BLAZING BEER! This talent continues to serve the Gallifreyan well to this day. He can blaze into existence Killians, Guinness, Dos Equis, or Yuengling! It's good for all occasions!

 

Here's the Doctor 5 seconds after giving Tinky Winky a special Telletubby greeting. They're all totally impressed, and so is the Doctor. He said "It tasted like rainbow sherbet when it all gushed out like a fucking monsoon!"

 

Here's the Doctor getting his mind blown by Korra the Explorer's beer-bending abilities. She turned this shitty local brew into a Killians! Jesus has nothing on Korra!

 

The Doctor is NOT looking forward to finding out what happens to his future self to have this occur.

 

The two goddamn sexiest plumbers ever to rock Speedos. The Doctor's down with that.

 

LOOK OUT! The Initial Deez Nutz car isn't going to make the turn! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!